"I learned that when the boy and girl walk off into the sunset, it never means happily-ever-after—the boy may turn out to be a lazy bum, the girl may turn into a nagging shrew. But there’s always another part of the story, where the boy still believes he’s a hero, still thinks the 40-year-old woman is a princess...some songs go out of tune, some poetry can’t be made to rhyme and some stories don’t have beginnings or endings, and sometimes never make sense...there aren’t good people or bad people, just people—with the possible exception of several who believe they are God."

I thought of the line as a phrase my mind was trying to say as I reminisce paying attention at the bright red-blue sky last New Year's eve. When splashes of lights glimmered at the dark sky as they danced and smiled for few good minutes then faded out of visibility, letting the moon and the stars take its place above the earth. Then smoke enveloped the streets like a ghost passing by before it eventually cleared and vanished. The next day, everything resumed to normalcy- the daily real life human programming.

As I told myself this year,i wont dwell so much on things that are suppose to be - and should be -way behind my a**. Goodbyes are goodbyes and although it gives us a bit of frustration to see something and someone leave, it only means two things: Its not meant to stay with you and you're meant to welcome another bright light in your life. As it sounds, i do have difficulty letting go like most of us. And what's harder is the thought that Im sometimes confined at living in a certain past when its really not that worth getting stuck in after all. I can only laugh later at my self for being so mushy at things I have to say goodbye to when its really meant to be discarded in my life. But you know, useless those things as it may seem to reminisce, at some point , perhaps they're worth the tears after all, at the risk of arriving at a stronger me.

I spent the last hours of 2008 with the church family before heading to the gathering for the the loud bang of the new year. It was such a fitting moment for me before I enter another chapter of my life's ride. Singing songs of praise in deep conversation with the Lord felt like surrendering and letting go of the toxics in my soul. At the same time, hoping that having welcomed back some things in my life, Id say that I did the right choice not just because it felt right at the moment but eventually still...will.

Hmmm...there is, a rather significant past made to present, that's why Im psycho babbling tonight. *Pardon the cheese and the riddle-ishness*

But oh well, as Pico Iyer puts it, 'none of the truest things in life—like love or faith—are arrived at by thinking. They come as suddenly as thunder.'

Labels: All about Me

By the end of this month, I'm booked for another christening of a new godson. Wow! - they trust me that much - and Yikes! - could it be time's way of telling me something about responsibilities?

I dunno if its one of those signs of my 'what-the-future-holds-for-me' neurotic attacks but December has always been packed with events which makes me want to stop time for a moment and contemplate hard for a while. But stopping time wont still change anything, it just freezes then resumes, suppose it grants my wish for a timestop. December is the time when I need to assess everything that Ive done the entire year and to look back would probably cause me another attack. December Christenings, Birthday, End of year and then a New Year! Another cycle will end and I'll need to start another one. I have to. But heck!Im alive with loved ones and that's already a lot to be thankful for.

Perhaps,

...Scared of growing old?
...Responsibilities of having to raise my own child?

Who? me?

Im losing my train of thought here. Calm down Joan, enjoy the twenty something days while you can! Its December! 'Tis the season to be jolly! I love December. I just dunno honestly what it is that depresses me whenever christmas is fast approaching. hmmm...But its always been a happy christmas for me though eversince. Ive finished my lists of family presents and will buy and wrap them up soon.

One thing though, please take me home December... *wink :)

Labels: December