Joansyndrome

Getaway

2011-11-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

Island Escapade from joan vanjoe on Vimeo.

Teaser

2011-11-23T08:46:00.006+08:00

Getting cold feet with someone is a fat chance of figuring out the one you'll likely to end up with Forever. ♥

Because life isn't some elaborate stage play with directions for the actors. Life's a mess, it's chaos personified. Just as Love, its an art, messy but its there, abstract.

10-22-11 | Our 10 Months Aftermath

2011-10-31T06:32:00.003+08:00

So I guess I now have the bragging rights to say that I've gotten through the 10 long months of lovesickness. However, I still cant fully say that I'm all used to this LDR thing. But who cares, he's finally home after 10 months and 4 days to be exact, and I'm finally back in the arms of my happiness.

Going Serendipity

2011-10-05T23:05:00.002+08:00

A long distance dillemma. Nuff said. :)

A Dose of Encouragement

2011-10-05T21:22:00.004+08:00

Tonight I happen to pass by on one of my favorite blogs and was lifted by a post of something Mr. Swindoll had shared. I'm approaching my 10th month of waiting for my other half and truth be told,just when Im almost over the wait, it seems like the frustration is coming back to me. That very same frustration that I felt on the first month. In general, my inner storms are battling with my faith right now. But this encouraged me. I guess once in a while, imperfect as we all are, we just need to know that there is a greater force above our very own force which we called our own strength.

*******************

I don’t know what your intimidating giant is today. It may relate to your job, your roommate, or your school. Maybe it is a person, a lawsuit, unemployment, a disaster . . . maybe even your own partner in life. Perhaps it is some fear that is lurking around the corner, sucking your energy and draining your faith. God is saying to you right now, “All I ask of you is five smooth stones and a sling of faith. I’ll take it from there. You don’t have to wear somebody else’s armor. You just trust Me. And I’ll strip you down to nothing but faith, and then I’ll accomplish a victory where I’ll get the glory. But as for you . . . you trust Me.”

Perhaps you don’t know what lies across the valley. Maybe you can’t get a handle on what that giant is; but it’s there, haunting you. That uncertainty alone is a giant. But look at that worry in comparison to the Lord God Himself, and say, by faith, “The battle is Yours, Lord. It is Your battle. I lean on You. I give You all my weapons, all my skills, and I stand before You, trusting You.”

It is God’s love for us that causes Him to bring us to an end of our own strength. He sees our need to trust Him, and His love is so great that He will not let us live another day without surrendering our arms to Him, giving Him our fears, our worries, even our confusion, so that nothing becomes more significant to us than our Father.

Never, ever forget it: the battle is the Lord’s!

~Chuck Swindoll

****************

Somehow, these lines lifted me up. Tomorrow I may just get back to my old self but I'll definitely be coming back to the thought that all my battles are not mine to carry.

Just Love.Not True Love.

2011-03-20T11:57:00.009+08:00

For a person who's a fan of undying and unconditional love being in love myself, Id like to record this story:

**********

A young man called Ramaswami died an untimely death. His parents, wife and nine year old son were crying bitterly, sitting next to his dead body. They all happened to be disciples of a holy man whom they called 'Maharaj Ji'. When Maharaj Ji learnt that Ramaswami had died, he came to visit the family. He entered the house and found the family wailing inconsolably. Seeing Maharaj Ji, the wife started crying even louder. She sobbed saying, "Maharaj Ji, he has died too early, he was so young. Oh! I would do anything to make him alive again. What will happen to our son? I am so helpless and miserable." Maharaj Ji tried to pacify the crying lady and the old parents, but the loss was too much for them to come to terms with so easily. Eventually, Maharaj Ji said, "Alright, get me a glass of water." Maharaj Ji sat near the dead body and put the glass next to it. He said, "Now, who ever wants that Ramaswami should become alive again may drink this water. Ramaswami shall come back to life, but the person who drinks the water shall die!"

Silence!

"Come, did you not say that Ramaswami was the sole breadwinner of the family? Who would die instead of him? It is a case of fair exchange, isn't it?" The wife looked at the old mother and the old mother looked at the wife. The old father looked at Ramaswami's son. But no one came forward.

Then Maharaj Ji said to the old father, "Babuji, wouldn't you give your life for your son?" The old man said, "Well, I have my responsibility towards my wife. If I die who will look after her? I cannot offer my life to you."

Maharaj Ji looked questioningly at the old woman and said, "Amma?" She said, "My daughter is due to deliver her first baby. She will be coming to stay for a month. If I die who will look after her and the newborn. Why don't you ask Ramaswami's wife?"

Maharaj Ji smiled and looked at the young widow. She widened her tear filled eyes and said, "Maharaj Ji, I need to live for my son. If I die, who will look after him? He needs me. Please don't ask me to do this." Maharaj Ji asked the son, "Well little boy, would you like to give your life for your father?" Before the boy could say anything, his mother pulled him to her breast and said, "Maharaj Ji, are you insane? My son is only nine. He has not yet lived his life. How could you even think of such a thing?"

Maharaj Ji said, "Well it seems, that all of you are very much needed for the things you need to do in this world. It seems Ramaswami was the only one that could be spared. That is why destiny chose to take him away. So shall we proceed with his last rites? It's getting late."

Having said that, Maharaj Ji got up and left.

*********

On a philosophical level, I now kinda understand what distinguishes true love from the rest. Although we all are entitled to our own views and opinions, I on the other hand, being boggled by the very word True Love, have come to terms with my own debacle.The story makes sense to me.Just saying.

Soul Meets Soulmate

2011-03-03T04:56:00.002+08:00

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…

Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

His Quiet World

2011-02-23T01:52:00.005+08:00

I came across a blog of one of my fave writer Sarah Meier and found this amazing piece. This is Stephen Wiltshire. A young artist who's grabbing a lot of attention by the likes of CBS and other national news outlets. He's been drawing cities eversince he was diagnosed with autism at a young age, saying it’s his way to express himself. See, all he needs is a 20 minute helicopter ride above New York and after 7 days, 12 pens, and a lot of music on his ipod, he finishes the massive 18 ft accurate depiction of the city all from memory. He’s so accurate that when drawing Rome, he drew the exact number of columns in the Pantheon. His work is being shown at Brooklyn’s Pratt Institute along with his permanent gallery in the Royal Opera Arcade, Pall Mal.

Ive heard so much stories about autistic persons and they always amaze me in terms of their artistic skill.They are special,are they? :)

Close to Midnight

2009-08-21T23:36:00.005+08:00

Closing in to midnight.
Its the best time there is in my lifetime, next to 3am.
Because i cant find the right words to suppress this feeling,
I'll say this as abstract as i can.
Because its closing in to midnight and my mind's in random dance.
When its at its point of not knowing where to go and how to think.
Not because its simply closing in to midnight but because it's filled with a longing that's inevitable.
Tonight I see the moon and it says "hello you didn't catch the sunset".
If it's all the more important to see the sunset before beginning a solitude night,
I wouldn't even bother walking around under the night sky for it'll just fill my heart with grief.
Its closing in to midnight, I can barely feel slumber rescuing me,
Now I feel like the colder the night gets, the nearer i get to be trapped to the only thing
I never want at the moment.
Its the moment of trying to get rid of you in my head but not wanting to.
It closing in to midnight and fairly scared of leaving myself alone.
I am alone, just as I want to, on this cold close to midnight scene.
It's the part of theater acting where the stars acted as my curtains and my heart,
my melodramatic mademoiselle.
Its closing to midnight and I guess Id continue on to 3am being like this.
I hated it for a while back then but i guess hating something truly does give a
hint of being the only you'd eventually love.
I used to hate 3 am for tearing up my heart with vivid memories that triggered the pain.
Gradually i come to terms with it.
I nearly surrendered in tears and just when i thought im defeated, there i was.
Triumphant in the sweet surrender and misery.

I'm closing in to midnight and although i'm calling on all distractions to accompany me
in this cold dreary night,I am all there is to deal myself with.
Goo Goo Dolls helped me through tonight though.

I'm closing in to midnight.
Halfway through to an early morning.
Yet the moon is still inviting.
Mocking and teasing.
Telling me how it could be so difficult yet its what life is made of.
Halfway around the world we are.
We will shoot for the moon and if we do miss it, we'll still be among the stars.

Eye Conversations

2009-08-10T07:32:00.011+08:00

Made this earlier. I found the digital design on my Photobucket archive so I thought of enhancing it and show it off here where less people creep. lol. Just for record purposes. And you cant read my embedded message there. Truth is, I just cant make it any larger. hee hee. I have a newborn blog, I made the above art as my header. I'll promote the said blog soon when it grows a tiny bit of traffic. I'm on to a challenge that I wish I could maintain.

Its really not about these:

The eyeball of a human weighs approximately 28 grams.

The eye of a human can distinguish 500 shades of the gray.

The cornea is the only living tissue in the human body that does not contain any blood vessels.

The conjunctiva is a membrane that covers the human eye.

Sailors once thought that wearing a gold earring would improve their eyesight.

Research has indicated that a tie that is on too tight cam increase the risk of glaucoma in men.

People generally read 25% slower from a computer screen compared to paper.

Men are able to read fine print better than women can.

Id say its more about this:

My eyes don't see those that are unpleasant to my heart,
For my heart is the only eye I know
which directs me to feel what should be seen.
In blindness we see what has come undone
In clear vision we are unaware of the illusions right before us.
So I say this once again, be truthful my precious eyes.
I want to see things that are real and honest to me.
But I don't blame you when you complain of how you're caught between
my bran and my heart leading you to a bitter Cataract.

Sunday Morning

2009-08-09T09:12:00.005+08:00

I simply just have to blog about this lyrics that i found online - in my classical morning aura, that is. I thought of 'him' far away and could probably feel the same way as these lines. I know, I get mushy sometimes. Heck! I only fall in love once in a blue moon and when I do... I just do 'til where id end up again. Whether Id end up singing my fave break up song "Girl From The Gutter" or " Say A Little Prayer " for another miraculous transformation and enlightenment for what Ive been getting myself into. He's away. Rather faaar from innernetz-dom away, so there's only little chance that he could read this before it gets covered by recent posts... finding me in this state of abstract rants of my implied "what if s " - a character of me that he doesn't quite like. But I hope he still reads this and pick up my lines though. This is besides the normal communication line we have. He probably doesn't know I'm back to blogging. LOL. But still, pick up my lines? I do miss "the man". We've weathered the storms before he left and now I'm fighting my own outer and inner storms all by myself standing in the midst of the battlefield, feeling him by the benches cheering me sometimes. I'm used to this though. I never really needed a guy to help me push to my targets. Its just how I am. But when it comes to the heart, Id say Id love a team work with another heart.His heart of course. If things could've really been a teeny bit different than this. I mean the distance, but I'm sure in few months time, the distance will close in again. *wink.

And did I say I'll blog about the lyrics? :)

Losing.Train.Of.Thought.

Anyway, Happy Sunday!

And I say these lines from the streams of blood running thru my chest hoping to reach the farthest line to where you are. ("Say" because its so classic I don't know how to sing it.LOL)..Its the part where i'll write the book actually. Not the progression of the tricks. :)

"And I'm giving you a longing look
Everyday, everyday, everyday I write the book
Chapter One we didn't really get too far
Chapter Two I think I fell in love with you
You said you'd stand by me in the middle of Chapter Three
But you were up to your old tricks in Chapters Four, Five and Six

And I'm giving you a longing look
Everyday, everyday, everyday I write the book
The way you walk
The way you talk, and try to kiss me, and laugh
In four or five paragraphs
All your compliments and your cutting remarks
Are captured here in my quotation marks"

-Everyday I Write The Book by Elvis Costello-

Sophie-holic?

2009-08-06T07:26:00.008+08:00

I am. Well, not full-fledged yet because I've not really explored all her books but I intend to though.

A pseudonym used by Madeleine Wickham, Sophie Kinsella has just joined my list of favorite chick lit authors. Her honor? lol. I've not really watched the movie , "Confessions of a Shopaholic" , I'm just not the movie version type when it comes to novel based flicks. I'm quite the fickle type when it comes to sitting on the couch watching DVDs too because i tend not to concentrate on what I'm watching and one my of my heinous crime-forwarding to what i feel is the good part. I'm only good at watching in movie houses, where i wouldn't be tempted to leave my paid seat .

Since my friend's brother lent me the book "Remember Me", it felt like Ive discovered yet another anti-depressant. I mean, books for me are anti depressants,comedy ,romantic or not are my Nobel book pieces.

The Shopaholic series are no doubt a big hit. Materialized by Becky Bloomwood, the series is about a financial journalist (which is what the author does by the way) who cannot manage her own finances. The series focuses on the character's obsession with shopping and its resulting complications for her life. Who wouldn't love to be obsessed with shopping?Its every girl's crime I suppose.And this one, "Remember Me" is an absolute joy to come. How would you feel waking up one day with your memory 3 years backwards? Not the most novel idea but the catch is finding who you really are if after 3 years span of time you' wake up with a seemingly perfect life,perfect husband and perfect set of teeth, but then realized that you've also become such a bitch-boss-from-hell with all your friends hating you for how you have transformed from a selfish ambition. Will you ever remember who you are or better yet, would you want to remember who you are?Such a time-warped hilarity is what I got from this book.

Also, I thought Sophie Kinsella is American but nah, she's British, you'd never go wrong with her "Queen's English" . And just like her ,"My Best friend's Wedding" is one of my all time favorite movie and the mood sort of reflects in her book. Dramatically funny and ridiculous yet comforting in a way. Quite ironic how a financial journalist - who BA-ed with such practical fields as Politics, Philosophy and Economic - would opt to produce books of these genres.hmmm.

I dunno but her books are reasons to stay home from the mall,for someone who's a homebody instead of a mallrat such as me.

Time 100: Corazon Aquino

2009-08-03T12:28:00.003+08:00

"Its very simply, I just tell my story and people weep."

These were just lines of the late President Cory Aquino who among the Filipino political figures I've known, honestly refused to think of herself as a political leader. When she became a widow to Benigno "Ninoy" Aquino, no one perhaps expected that she would stand up and restore democracy for the Filipino people. Not the prototype of a true blue democrat, opponents saw her retiring to her old life after the assassination of her husband. She was seen as the type who'd privately take up her own battle in silent prayer. She was seen to have lacked the self-confidence to take up her husband's fight to restore democracy on her own.But it was her zeal to "lead by example" , love for her country and in restoring the Fiipino people's faith in the government that lead her to take the stand, and she knew then that she was destined to be thrusted into public life not just by the violent fate that befell her husband but also for her heart for a country that is poisoned by fake leaders run by greed of power.

With her charismatic character intact, she took office,survived coup attempts, countered military threats,made unpopular decisions,fought againts her opponents, triumph in her calmly manner in the People Power and finally declared Ninoy's mission accomplished. She retired with a clear conscience and savored her time with her family.

Truly deserving to be one of Asia's most influential.

Cheese On Rain

2009-08-01T09:07:00.008+08:00

Don't say you weren't warned,if I may quote Guitarchic. I find it pretty convenient to be melodramatic on a rainy season. It ignites the sentimental senses. Whatever. I'm alive and with this I start anew. I haven't had a decent sleep yet so excuse the thinking contradiction . Suffering from a terrible, er, what i may refer as the drop of my mania or hypomania stage,depression stage,and a tinge of OCD stage caused by the sudden distance...heehee. I'm sure i'll start to make sense soon.Think straight and write straight.

And this month last year, coincidentally, I started this online diary. 1year! Thank you very much time! Never mind the anniversary greetings, what struck me most is the fact that I had the same reason back then why I started this blog and with why I got back on it now. Again, never mind.Its not a major dilemma but I'm getting by well.Who cares about my riddles..pft!

DAY NINE.

By the River Piedra...: Just one of those Coelho Days

2009-02-08T08:05:00.003+08:00

Everybody loves him for the exception of probably some who may find him a phony wise man. Everyone is wise i believe, being fooled and having stumbled along the way, one becomes wise beyond anyone's years. Because i said so...:)

My book shelf is never left without a Coelho work, the latest i finished was "Veronika Decides to Die". Quite mind mumbling, I hate it but for a moment I actually felt being one with those people inside their own world, which probably what Coelho was trying to point out in the book anyway - that in some ways, we have our own little bubble world of our selves.

Below are - not from the latter book - but some lines i culled from " By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept" . Having read the book twice though not my fave Coelho piece but something to remind me how Love ought to be - If it is unable to reconcile with your dream, its neither love nor a dream.

*****************

Thy will be done, my Lord. Because you know the weakness in the heart of your children, and you assign each of them only the burden they can bear. May you understand my love -- because it is the only thing I have that is really mine, the only thing that I will be able to take with me into the next life. Please allow it to be courageous and pure; please make it capable of surviving the snares of the world.

***

But meeting Him is not easy. The more God asks us to participate in His Mysteries, the more disoriented we become, because He aks us constantly to follow our dreams and our hearts. And that's difficult to do when we're used to living in a different way.

***

Because God came to earth to demonstrate His power to us. We are a part of his dream, and He wants His dream to be a happy one. Thus, if we acknowledge that God created us for happiness, then we have to assume that everything that leads to sadness and defeat is our own doing. That's the reason we always kill God, whether on the cross, by fire, through exile, or simply in our hearts.

***

The world is at a point when many people are receiving the same order: "Follow your dreams, transform your life, take the path that leads to God. Perform your miracles. Cure. Make prophecies. Listen to your guardian angel. Transform yourself. Be a warrior, and be happy as you wage the good fight. Take risks.

***

At moments of transformation, martyrs are born. Before a person can follow his dream, others have to make sacrifices. They have to confront ridicule, persecution and attempts to discredit what they are trying to do.

***

"We are our own greatest surprise," he said. "Faith as tiny as a grain of sand allows us to move mountains. That's what I've learned. And now, my own words sometimes surprise me.

***

The apostles were fishermen, illiterate and ignorant. But they accepted the flame that fell from the heavens. They were not ashamed of their ignorance; they had faith in the Holy Spirit. This gift is there for anyone who will accept it. One has only to believe, accept, and be willing to make mistakes.

Thunder

2009-01-22T18:26:00.008+08:00

A line of columnist Patricia Evangelista -whose being a 'clueless rebel' ive faved for quite a while now by the way - got me thinking of how i launched off to the brand new year. If there are few realizations Ive pondered on, this would probably be a major one.

"I learned that when the boy and girl walk off into the sunset, it never means happily-ever-after—the boy may turn out to be a lazy bum, the girl may turn into a nagging shrew. But there’s always another part of the story, where the boy still believes he’s a hero, still thinks the 40-year-old woman is a princess...some songs go out of tune, some poetry can’t be made to rhyme and some stories don’t have beginnings or endings, and sometimes never make sense...there aren’t good people or bad people, just people—with the possible exception of several who believe they are God."

I thought of the line as a phrase my mind was trying to say as I reminisce paying attention at the bright red-blue sky last New Year's eve. When splashes of lights glimmered at the dark sky as they danced and smiled for few good minutes then faded out of visibility, letting the moon and the stars take its place above the earth. Then smoke enveloped the streets like a ghost passing by before it eventually cleared and vanished. The next day, everything resumed to normalcy- the daily real life human programming.

As I told myself this year,i wont dwell so much on things that are suppose to be - and should be -way behind my a**. Goodbyes are goodbyes and although it gives us a bit of frustration to see something and someone leave, it only means two things: Its not meant to stay with you and you're meant to welcome another bright light in your life. As it sounds, i do have difficulty letting go like most of us. And what's harder is the thought that Im sometimes confined at living in a certain past when its really not that worth getting stuck in after all. I can only laugh later at my self for being so mushy at things I have to say goodbye to when its really meant to be discarded in my life. But you know, useless those things as it may seem to reminisce, at some point , perhaps they're worth the tears after all, at the risk of arriving at a stronger me.

I spent the last hours of 2008 with the church family before heading to the gathering for the the loud bang of the new year. It was such a fitting moment for me before I enter another chapter of my life's ride. Singing songs of praise in deep conversation with the Lord felt like surrendering and letting go of the toxics in my soul. At the same time, hoping that having welcomed back some things in my life, Id say that I did the right choice not just because it felt right at the moment but eventually still...will.

Hmmm...there is, a rather significant past made to present, that's why Im psycho babbling tonight. *Pardon the cheese and the riddle-ishness*

But oh well, as Pico Iyer puts it, 'none of the truest things in life—like love or faith—are arrived at by thinking. They come as suddenly as thunder.'

Hello!

2009-01-15T17:58:00.006+08:00

Touchdown! I miss this sanctuary :)

I know. I owe this blog - and those who might have been visiting me here for quite some time- an explanation of my long absence. Just like most absent folks, I was pre-occupied. That's all Im telling. *grin*. Kidding aside, thank you guys for the visits even if Im out and about. Im grateful more than you know. I was half considering leaving out my life in the blogosphere but realized I could be absent for quite a long time but never get a written warning from my boss or get fired even. hehe. God forbid.;p This is my breathing space in a world full of infinite possibilities and to see it evolved through the years with me would be an achievement. lol.

Oh why does the Happy Holidays have to end. Yep, I still have the hangover.I had a smashing time last Christmas with my family, although I had to celebrate welcoming the New Year away from them because of work. But it was fun nonetheless. It always is with family even if I only busied myself sleeping and eating.

The New Year came in a snap I should say. Listed few resolutions, some repeated from last year (shame) and some new ones. I did'nt even get to check my cosmic calendar for this year.heehee.Or what this year holds for us. Some say its the year of strife , some of great challenges, but I say its another brand new year to be a better me!

Sinulog here in Cebu is on! The grandest festival in the country where sights , sounds and colors are in full blast . But I'm a bit halfhearted about the merriment of the whole festival due to the calamity that has struck my hometown in Mindanao. My family's safe so far but there are of course those who are struck heavily by the flash floods. My prayers to the affected families and friends.

This shall be it for now.

Cheers everyone!

December Attacks!

2008-12-06T15:39:00.012+08:00

By the end of this month, I'm booked for another christening of a new godson. Wow! - they trust me that much - and Yikes! - could it be time's way of telling me something about responsibilities?

I dunno if its one of those signs of my 'what-the-future-holds-for-me' neurotic attacks but December has always been packed with events which makes me want to stop time for a moment and contemplate hard for a while. But stopping time wont still change anything, it just freezes then resumes, suppose it grants my wish for a timestop. December is the time when I need to assess everything that Ive done the entire year and to look back would probably cause me another attack. December Christenings, Birthday, End of year and then a New Year! Another cycle will end and I'll need to start another one. I have to. But heck!Im alive with loved ones and that's already a lot to be thankful for.

Perhaps,

...Scared of growing old?
...Responsibilities of having to raise my own child?

Who? me?

Im losing my train of thought here. Calm down Joan, enjoy the twenty something days while you can! Its December! 'Tis the season to be jolly! I love December. I just dunno honestly what it is that depresses me whenever christmas is fast approaching. hmmm...But its always been a happy christmas for me though eversince. Ive finished my lists of family presents and will buy and wrap them up soon.

One thing though, please take me home December... *wink :)

And all of these thoughts came when I browsed through some photos and found this one. My second inaanak or binata (godson) whom I've only seen when he was born and during his christening. Id always promised his mom that Id make up for the lost time. I anticipated us to finally have some quality time together this Christmas when Id be home but I found out last week that they've migrated in a far away place already. :(

But soon I'll conquer that place! hah! I hope. In God's time.

Bring it on December :)

Spare Me the Stereotypes

2008-12-03T16:58:00.027+08:00

Woke up today with a dark sky forecasting heavy rains. And it did. It did not rain heavily. It just drizzled but the gloomy morning made me sad for reasons i couldn't spell out and spill out. I don't know why but rain has always been at my side whether I'm at a sunny disposition on a rainy day or not. I just love it when it rains. And it reminded me of the movie.

I love the Thunder Game !

When we watched Twilight last Sunday, I was somewhat satisfied, perhaps it was because Ive prepared myself of Hollywood's manipulation of a novel based movie. I stopped reading the books temporarily, I guess, temporarily because i made a pact with myself to finish all four. I stopped because the story gets so bland in the following book. Not to go on a rant or do a literary criticism here but after the first book, I've become annoyed of how Bella becomes a bit selfish in the course of the story. Yes she always gets to be the most beautiful nymph in this saga, she always gets guys attention and most of all, she has Edward's heart. Whatever. She's the heroine of the story and Edward's brand of heroin. I don't have a problem with that. In the following books though, Bella reveals her not so strong female character as I thought she was in the first book. It was fine when she was introduced as the clumsy girl who fell in love with a vampire but I lost confidence in her when in the following series she has become so always needing of Edward's rescue or Jacob's in some instances. I was expecting for the book to progress in giving readers something to like about Bella aside from the fact that she is so crazily in love with Edward. Yes, a main character can be flawed but can also be redeeming in the story whether you love her or hate her. It seems like Bella is well loved in the story only as Edward's glory. I don't hate her that much though, its how she was created in the book. I'll leave her alone. And I must say Stewart gave justice to the Twilight Bella.

And yup, my well loved scene in the movie is the Baseball game, whatever the reason why Reed had to bat left-handedly.

Emmett's Kung Fu fighting pose cracks me up :)

Forgiven,Not forgotten

2008-11-23T17:06:00.013+08:00

The only song that Ive really appreciated was Imagine. But if asked to play on a 'name that Beatles tune' , I'd probably still be able to ace the game. I'll give the credits to my father who'd not only dedicate Sundays as Beatles day but most of the days of the week back then when I was still a kid. And I hate to admit it but its probably one of the music that my eardrum missed the most now that I'm living away from my parents. I remember sometimes scowling at my father when he just cant seem to get over playing Beatles tracks at home at such ear popping volume! But what can I do, he's a fanatic who'd probably put up a shrine for them if he could. Until now, he still has Beatles records piled up in his collection. He still plays and listens to it once in a while on and on. And he'd probably be happy to hear that Vatican had finally forgiven Lennon for declaring that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ. I did'nt know my father's stand on the remark. He could'nt care less probably, he just loves them, that's why i sometimes love them too :)

Vatican called the remark a "boast" by a young man grappling with sudden fame when Lennon commented to a London newspaper in March 1966 regarding the band's superiority to Jesus Christ.

"Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink ... We're more popular than Jesus now".

I was'nt born yet at that time so...what do I care? but,yay!that's harsh. He may have just been overtaken by their overwhelming success at that time. But of course, it sparked infuriation among Christians especially in the US , who as a sign of protest burned some of their albums and memorabilia. The controversy even lead to some people linking the outcome of Lennon's act to his murder in New York in the year 1980.

"The remark by John Lennon, which triggered deep indignation mainly in the United States, after many years sounds only like a 'boast' by a young working-class Englishman faced with unexpected success, after growing up in the legend of Elvis and rock and roll," Vatican daily Osservatore Romano said.

The infamous Jesus remark controversy took 42 years to formally made known to the public that Lennon is forgiven by the Church. That is 4 decades and 2 years! No comment... but, may I just say, 'Imagine'? geez, 'Let It Be'!

I dunno where I'd dig but come to think of it, I might just get my father a copy of The White Album for this Christmas. He sure has it already but a new one would definitely still tick him. Lemme see. :)

Chick Lit Confession: A Genesis

2008-11-22T19:07:00.008+08:00

Okay..so I'm officially single. Not committed. No biggie. Really?Well... okay..it's sad at times when you find yourself on your own in the middle of the sea of committed or half committed people. All the more depressing when your gay friends sleep with different guys and talk about their love issues while you, at the back of your mind, try to convince yourself that not all guys will soon be gay (Ooops,did'nt see that coming.) Yes, i'll find him soon. And yes, there are straight guys!

Moving on, I'm not about to tackle into my love misadventures but when love gets cruel sometimes, I resort to books and movies. (That's after I realized that inebriation would push me to further stupidity) So at my pursuit to do away with serious novels I've loved - like the legal dramas of John Grisham and the inspirational lights shed to me by the books of Paulo Coelho - I found myself one day scavenging for lighthearted novels. Books that would empower me without the endless list of psychological how-to's and deep spiritual awareness that would require me to split my head for deep meditation. Like the feel-good movies that I crave for , I wanted to have a book that would leave me feeling good about myself despite having felt bad, and at the same time, would provide me with some good laughs, having identified myself with the character's misadventures.

I was never the type who'd bury myself with romance novels. I can only count few of them that Ive read. Then Laura Zigman's Animal Husbandry landed on my palms and introduced me to the Old-Cow-New-Cow theory. A story of a Manhattan talk-show producer who is no novice to romance, found herself being cruelly, and inexplicably dumped by the man of her dreams. Her experience paved the way of her monkey scientist career and developed the Old-Cow-New-Cow theory:The sorry truth that men leave women and never come back because all they really want is a New Cow. You may dismiss the theory valid on grounds of absurdity but just read it, its worth the try and really hilarious! You dont have to argue with the theory. Anyway, after Laura Zigman, I discovered Claire Berlinski , Jennifer Weiner, and the likes.Not to mention, Bridget Jones’s Diary by Helen Fielding who perhaps started it all. It was later when I realized that I have become a Chick Lit addict!

As fanatics would identify it , Chick lit is short for Chick Literature, a term used to denote a genre of fiction within women's fiction written for and marketed to young women, especially single, working women in their twenties and thirties. It generally deals with the issues of modern women humorously and lightheartedly, featuring hip, stylish, career-driven female protagonists. Set generally in an urban living,the plot usually follows women's love lives and struggles for professional success.

In the Philippines, there's chick lit writer Tara Sering and other cosmo chick lit masterminds. Id say this genre is a better diversion for women's issues in general, especially on love. Works for me. Am I sounding bitter with all of these?*rolling eyes* whatever.

Let me finish up In Her Shoes again.

factually...

2008-11-18T16:08:00.011+08:00

Our keen awareness of the things that surround us and the little details of it, are manifestations of our rights in this world we all thrive in.That's how I see it sometimes.Yet again today, like how it dawned on me every now and then, I realize how life can be very fascinating.In a world of people who claim to be normally in it,with the normal things they know and the normal things they do.Which is normal by the way of course, at least by our human standards. As I stare out blankly into the sky at my oblivious moments, Id sometimes mutter to myself, 'this is such an interesting world' and what makes it so?

Then indeed, my mail proved that thought to me as I browse thru my daily emails. Here are some interesting facts I just want to mark in here today, coming from one of the daily gazzillion spams in my office mail. Matter of factly, they're crazy.That should'nt come as a surprise for me since most of the crazy stuff i acquire come from the office jungle. I dont have the factual record of who was paid to discover these things(before you'd think that Im making up this strings of facts) but I bet the discoverer had probably cloned himself to a pig already.If you've already come across these facts, then consider again the possibility of wishing you were a pig. If you don't believe it, then that's your belief. If you don't find it interesting then you might be the only interesting narcissist you ever feast your eye on.Anyhow,this is something for my blog anyway.

Dig in.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it!)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now, that is more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. ( Oh.My.Gesh!Talk about Leap of faith!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (Someone commented that she wants to be a pig in her next life...i might think about it...)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.(Yay!Thats the spirit!go roaches!)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Never try this at home!perhaps in the office..and dont think of figuring out how many braincells you'd lose.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey Im home...What the...?!)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (oooh...flea olympiad anyone?Still want to be a pig huh? )

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (i wouldnt wonder, at the bottom of the pond is where the residual yummies subsides...)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (Someone commented that she'd still want to be a pig in her next life ...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm....It can flex to anything from food to...)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (kewl eh?easy glow-in-the-dark technique..trance-like!)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.And I know some female's boobs bigger than their brain.)

Starfish have no brains . (I know some people like that too. Do starfish think a brain's really unnecessary?Right.They're unable to think, dumb!)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer. I bet they would.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.. (What about that pig??)

What will we ever be without the absurd and the weird and the strange.,..but just as we are ourselves,sometimes absurd and weird and strange. Despite how we say that our sanity is enough to qualify us to be otherwise.

Oh and welcome back ME again to my blog!Dont ask where I went, I did'nt even intended a hiatus. I was just around lazyin and drowning with work and books.I just come and go I guess.These crazy facts did'nt even triggered the comeback but thanks.Cheers!

Twilighted

2008-11-10T11:54:00.010+08:00

I just have to blog about this and I know every fanatic of this does. I can remember how I barely read the title of the book 'cause I was so engrossed with the book covers. :-) When I started to hear almost everyone in the office talk about it, I browsed online for resources and found some quotes and all. A friend sent a manuscript and here I am with it.

It may be a typical vampire-falling-for-human love story but its different when you get into the book itself. Love interests many in the most fascinating way and to think of unconventional love story just ticks me. I came across these sagas through word of mouth but never did i expect that i could actually immerse myself into this vampire thingy. Personally speaking, I think its all about the love and the feelings portrayed by these characters that draws the attention of readers. Its a family friendly book, readers range from the 12 to 62 yrs old! no kidding, its fan base has a huge age-range, so there's no reason to think that these books are just for "teenage girls" who just happen to be captivated by Edward Cullen. And the question of comparison between The Twilight series and Harry Potter? I dont think there's much to argue about, Harry Potter have had his time in the limelight. Both series may be alike in some aspect but they do differ in so many ways as well. The Twilight just happen to come in right after the Harry Potter fever subsided, to some at least, because some may have not gotten over their devotion to the sorcery series yet. Thing is, whether or not Harry Potter has been replaced by these vampires on the Internet Movie Database analytics , i really dont care.hehe. Im loving this series.

Another thing,she may be a stranger to some still but its hard not to give credit to the author for such dedication to all four books. (and to the fifth one if she decides to release it after the leakage)Stephenie Meyer is a Mormon stay-at-home mom who admits that she doesn’t watch horror movies, and has never even read Bram Stoker’s Dracula.Quite odd for her to conceive this story eh? But I came to understand how she devoted her time to these novels when I read how everything started : In a Night's Dream. A gripping dream that she just cant forget and let go. And so goes her characters come to life in the minds of many, even in their dreams as well.

My Week's Tall Tale

2008-11-07T12:34:00.007+08:00

Been out for quite a while. Time flies so fast, its Friday once more. TGIF! In a few weeks it'll be December once more. The merry month! and in a little few more weeks it'll be another year! Yikes, never thought its that fast...Ive got lots to do before the year ends, don't end yet.

Anyway, a lot has happened this week, to me and in this precious world we live in. My work has been a never ending beautiful challenge and the news around the world as usual, is continuously shaping humanity's historical timeline. I vowed allegiance to my blog just as how I used to with my diaries. With allegiance, I meant updating it with events that I find significant. With significant, I meant whether it be nonsense or makes sense stuff just as long as I can make sense out of it. In every waking hour of my consciousness, I am bound to live, not just exist, so this is the obligation I'm putting to myself.

So let me recap my week,

RAIN KEPT ME SANE

Its been raining most of the days this week and thats comforting enough for me to keep a happy disposition. Though melancholy still crept up in me once in a while, its a calm melancholia, not the disturbing one. With the rain, I can always sing my heart out and I can always cry and write up my pent up emotions out. Curling up in my bed on a cold night after reading a good book have always been comforting for me in the most tender ways. Waking up on an early morning, walking on a rain-cleansed world makes it more easier to live than facing the world on a morning with a biting heat of the sun. Life can be so simple as that but then again, humans are beautifully complex.

I owe it all to the rain because earlier this week ,I felt bad with a prick of disappointment finding out that I did'nt get my stocks. The company agrees to $250M acquisition from another large company and the merger was finalized. Deals closed last Monday. And that was it. I half expected it to be that way but hearing others gaining so much just makes me cringe in disappointment to the company. Digging up how to defend my stock options wont revert anything. I don't own the company. Oh well, there's no ointment for disappointments. I can live with that, perhaps it was just not for me and for some of us. Things are bound to happen as they are. Life can be unfair sometimes. Fair enough.

BUT OBAMA KEPT MY SPIRITS UP

The campaign trail that I cant help but follow online had finally halted to a historical mark. He is already naming his staff in the white house at the moment.I believe he has always been ready to begin his term even before formally assuming his office. I know I've ranted about politicians being such a phony thespian sometimes but citizens just have to make a stand based on our sound judgment. And when this all started, somehow, I just had the feeling that he will bag the title in the end. With the turmoil that America has been going through lately, I knew America will be looking forward to another Martin Luther King, now is the time to repeat that history. And indeed Obama claimed that title. He thinks like a professor and speaks like a preacher. I find his command in oratory as pure brilliance. Sure he had promises like many of them, every politician's charm is based on how they say their promises but Obama was just too grounded to be just another same old American standard. My vote went to him when the whole election bombarded the CNN homepage, not just because I find him too credible but because I remembered Rosa Parks in him (i dunno,i read her memoir long ago but perhaps its how Obama and Alabama sounded, if you get my drift), only now it is'nt about racial injustice that they are fighting for but a cause for the whole nation. May seem dramatic I know, but in a time when the US seemed to be an orphan to a seemingly surrogate government, someone just has to pick them out of the ordinary white canvass and put some color to it. Mccain is no doubt a seasoned politician, he's always been there and perhaps that's precisely the very reason why it helped the Obama victory: America just needs a change.

AND SADLY, CRICHTON DIED

Novelist and ‘ER’ creator passed away after a private battle with cancer at 66. It saddened me remembering the fact that Michael Crichton woke me up in my childhood with his humungous creations in The Jurrasic Park and its sequel The Lost World. Will dinosaurs and brilliant sci-fi die with him? I hope not . There are a lot out there who followed his footsteps but indeed, he's one of those who challenged scientists in many fields, and illuminated the mysteries of the world in a way we could all understand.

Well what do you know, ai'nt this world made up of wondrous tales of disappointments, victory and finality? It is.

Have to get back to my own tales now.

'Til Next Year Pumpkin!

2008-11-02T20:29:00.011+08:00

I was strolling nonchalantly along the sidewalk on my way home, being occupied of the day's misadventures and such. My mind so occupied of my future and, uh...my future. Thoughts wandering around my never-ending resolve, thinking of what the pastor preached earlier about being wise and being not wise (hai te joy!thanks for the dinner!). Im such a walking contradiction, I always have.

Suddenly,

I sensed and kinda see a small, dark creature, prowling its way towards me at an angle.

I paced slowly having the instinct to let it reveal itself. Then it passes by, mind instantly snapping out of pre-occupation.

...a black cat has crossed my path!

No I didnt think it was bad luck nor is it any good either. I was stunned to see the black cat because Ive always find cats very sexy, all the more if its in its shiny black suit. Im not really a cat person. Im quite harsh with cats before, have one near me and you'd thought that cat learned to fly because of my kicks, i dont care where it lands. But see, later on Ive learned to like them just because my sisters are very hospitable with strayed cats and they're indeed sweet sometimes. And I think those racist ought to be burned alive every halloween for accusing black cats to be unlucky. They're not, pessimists are!

Im supposed to be sleeping really by now but thought of dropping by to check my blogs. Haven't really had the time to post something worth...uhm..blabbing about so thought of doing a pseudo tribute to this year's halloween. Today, halloween officially ends, and tomorrow's another formal November kickstart. Halloween's always been an interesting holiday for me, the spooky fun and all is just worth calling it a holiday. This year I get to be a catwoman in our costume eche-bureche.Talk about cats! Last year, I didnt bother to wear any costume, just a dab of gothic make up and that was it 'cause we were too busy designing our designated area for a movie theme design. But this year, I became a catwoman, I didnt care if I looked more of a scuba diver with my black overall than a catwoman impostor. Ever heard of 'compliance purposes?'

Im not in the mood to go into detail on how I pulled off my attire so this shall be it. So , Hello there Sweet November!Hope you'll be sweeter to me this time around. :-)

***************************

And by the way, someone was sweet enough to give this to me.Bluedreamer, thanks for this. Geez, I never really expected a commendation for 'blogging my mess' around here ("blogging my mess" , hai gurl!), I didnt even thought someone would read my blog when I started this. But since Im grateful for everything, let me pay it forward.

~ inspires you

~ makes you smile and laugh

~ or maybe gives amazing information

~ a great read

~ has an amazing design

~ and any other reasons you can think of that makes them uber amazing!

The rules of this award are:

* Put the logo on your blog or post.

* Nominate at least 5 blogs (can be more) that for you are Uber Amazing!

* Let them know that they have received this Uber Amazing award by commenting on their blog.

* Share the love and link to this post and to the person you received your award from.

and to speak of Uber Amazing, I think of and passing this to Frigid Jones, Jen, Fibe and Bluedreamer again(pwede ba yun?).

Actually , to all on my blogroll. If you happen to pass by, i share this to you too. Nyt y'all.

Sisterhood Continues

2008-10-28T14:50:00.009+08:00

I dragged my sister in watching this movie last weekend after I got bored of 'youtubing' my ass of never ending OTH. Obviously, it lingered on to my system until now for i can still think of how Ive found myself in these girl's lives once again. Its like Ive relived the fresh "high" days of being free yet seemed controlled; careless yet careful ; and life seems to be a never ending bittersweet discovery of adolescence. Of hearts getting broke and mended.Of friendships strengthened. Of love lost and found again and again.

When I look back at the moment when I decided to get out of my comfort zone , I took a peek outside of my shell and said to myself, "It's a war zone Im about to enter. But Id like to look at it as a carnival trip." and off I am at the carousel traveling up and down my life. Conquering the peak for a while then suddenly going down rock bottom, and the ride went on and on that way with every new experience and learnings each time im at the bottom or up. I knew Im bound to go on a path away from people I would've wanted to spend each day of my life with like friends and family. But somehow at some point, realization sets in that in order for me to find my own individuality, it takes a little courageous monster in me to take the jump. It may be something that I am not quite sure of but I am willing to risk or it may be something that I've pictured myself long ago. The thing is, we never know what lies ahead, we can never say whats purely true and real or whats not . And even though this real world we know may not surely be the reality we ought to embrace, its our Life for crying out loud and we ought to make the most of it.

As the previous installment oriented us, the Traveling Pants is a pair of jeans that the four best friends tried on in a clothing store. Surprisingly, they were a perfect fit for all four. So they agree that each can wear the jeans for a week of the coming summer, and then FedEx them to the next name in rotation. Following the jeans, in both movies, we also follow defining moments in the girls’ lives.Inspired by the novels of Ann Brashares, these best friends grew with each other's comforts yet are aware that their lives are leading on different paths ,swearing to keep that constant factor amongst them in the name of friendship. Together they embark on a journey of love,life and faith.

I'll spare my blog of the technicalities of the movie but one thing I want to point out is that it could've easily fell into a low rated film if it were'nt for the characters played by such superb actresses. Alexis Bledel and Blake Lively are my favorite, character wise, though all four equally justified their roles well. In the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, indeed , summer took them to different roads and so did the pants traveling amongst them. The pants got lost in the end, hinting a probable end of the sequel. However, it also brought forth a symbolic mark of their friendship maturing into another level. Or perhaps maturing from a pants to friendster,facebook etc. ;p (wherever that came from!)

I just enjoyed these girl's adventures and having watched another sequel of their lives makes me long for my fwends and femoly.*mushy*

So ill end with a song from the movie's soundtrack which sums up the message of the story.That no matter how far apart you may be with the ones you love, you have the assurance that distance is not exactly how we usually perceive it to be , not necessarily as a barrier, but rather just a strengthening bridge of an everlasting vow of friendship and love.

Together by Michelle Branch

*video credit:Holdonjonas

P.S. -

Bes, April and Karen ... my thoughts goes to you as I write this post. Sa maniwala lang.*kidding*

Screw the miles between us..."We belong together like the moon and stars at midnight" :)

My OTH moments

2008-10-24T19:29:00.004+08:00

"Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren't you anymore? If you were suddenly gone, how would your world react? Whatever you imagined is wrong. There's nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the Ocean. It's deep and Dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love..."

I got myself stuck in one of One Tree Hill's season 6 tonight. Its been a while since I last watched OTH and im back with it, at least for this weekend. I'm officially hooked. On a Friday night .

And of all the episodes, at my random browse of which episode name sounds good for me at the moment, its ironic how I ended up with "Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly" . I rated it quite boring after Ive watched it. But while I was on it , it was terribly sad. It gripped my heart like any other sad tear jerking shows I easily give in to. It's the least storyline I would've wanted to immerse myself in for a weekend starter but what the heck this is my other way of diverting from my work's challenges. I was planning to have some feel-good romantic comedy flick supposedly but here I am with this tragic episode. *sigh*

Quentin was shot, died and Tree Hill reacted into the whole loss situation of an untimely death. Haley and Nathan explains the death to Jamie , but finds it difficult understanding what's going on. All he wanted was to give Quentin his cape. And thats the part where I came close to tears. (Babaw, that's me.) In the episode, I watched for the first time Samantha Walker, the new rebel in town being under Haley's class. She said the above intro lines. And its obvious how she can qualify to be the voice-over-star in the entire episode. I dont know how she'd make the entire Tree Hill dramatically fun though in the entire season. However, just as everyone thought she would be the only person who would'nt share the grief of the entire gang, at the later part, she wrote a very touching paper about Quentin, proving that she may not be such a flaming star rebel after all. Anyway, Lucas is on his second book and i still love his melodramatic-esque poetic character.

Uh..Kay.Nyt.

Patiently Ranting

2008-10-23T16:03:00.015+08:00

If anger is like drinking your own poison and hoping your enemy will die, impatience is what happens before that - when you mix the poison with the right chemical proportion before gulping it!

After a de-stressing post last weekend, here I am battling yet another thief of my daylight living -- Impatience. While I'm claiming to be patient in almost everything, time I guess just loove to play a little game of what I knew as my strength, or i thought so. Am I suppose to really blame it to the driver for being so seemingly inconsiderate about me rushing to be in the office in five minutes because I'm almost late and there he is waiting for others to fill in the empty seats? Or if a saleslady moves in slow motion not caring if I'm in a hurry or not?or worst, blaming the elevator for consistently lifting itself ever so lightly, obeying those who pressed first instead of stopping on the floor i commanded him to take me?Not I guess.

I know , Im only patient when its on my advantage like if Im feeling okay about waiting because Im not late yet anyway or perhaps I dont mind waiting because I just feel like waiting. But when it feels like it is'nt for a bit of my advantage, I explode like a kid in tantrums not getting the candy she wants. I am considerate. Patience does'nt necessarily follow that unfortunately. When I get impatient I'd be so upset that stress hormones just eat up my mood . I don't normally let others know that I'm pissed off really. I just go quiet when I am not in the mood. I am nice to people worth being nice with and I avoid people whom I cant bear with. I guess.

Although several reasonable situations can qualify us to trigger ourselves for being impatient and getting upset, they are'nt really that worth throwing our sanity away y'know. So what pisses me off?What challenges my patience?

-People who pretend their deaf when in fact they hear you very well
-People who cut in in a long line of patiently waiting people
-People who has their standard ring tone at full level in churches and other public places....

....naah, instead of listing down these annoying poisons in my life, why don't I just think of happy thoughts. How about breathing and helping myself by thinking:Of course, Im not the only jeepney passenger and Mr. driver works diligently just as I do. Ms. saleslady was just trying to do her job well so she had to carefully look into the right product i wanted. And Ms.elevator, she's always happy to lift people everyday up and down the different floors of the building, and she's always done that all her life wihout cheating who pressed her to which floor first.

Being impatient leads to anger and anger management depends on your freaking self. And I happen to be just the very person whom I can help myself from exploding and get stressed up with just being impatient. So what heals me when Im upset?Its a good thing that Im pretty easy to appease though. Give me time to be quiet then just make me laugh and I'll be fine.Laughing so hard 'til soda spurts out of my nose. I love it when that happens. Me and my friends can laugh on and on with soda splashes in different directions. How's that?I always tell my friends how its better that way than a bubble phlegm ballooning out in the open.

Thing is, patience is the only antidote for being impatient. Ive come to value patience as much as being kind to others. I still get pissed, annoyed and get to be a brat that I am whenever i have to. I just have to, just for the heck of releasing. But in the back of my mind, its my loss anyway if I wallow in that same old tantrum throwing child. I give it up then I realize that I can also be a cause of other's tantrums , oh well that's not my problem. Precisely why being upset over other people's ways are my problem too. And so i just tell myself, if Im annoyed with something, I take in patience, if irritation persist, id probably consult my doctor ;p

As Amy Gross of Oprah online pointed out about patience, "Patience takes skill, not a gene.When you give up the fight, you get time. Time stretches. You sink into the moment, and it seems infinite. You have all the time in the world"

Clutterfree and then some

2008-10-18T20:19:00.017+08:00

I always try my darndest best to make my weekends as stressfree as possible. Every morning, the first thought - even at my half conscious state of waking - would be to thank God for another day or to ask Him to make the rest of the day, if not going my way, but simply as bearable as the last one. I am not the most organized person in the world believe me, I can be such a scatterbrained sometimes but I've been trying to make the most out of the person that I've become. Every year, the most consistent of my New Year's resolution is to keep a planner and be organized. This year ,which by the way is almost ending, my planner is still alive and its neatness signifies how it hasn't been used diligently by a trying hard organized person. Fine. I'm not your average organized person.But here's what I have at least list down as the things to live by to be 'Well'. Being 'well' despite the real world sanity challenging demands.

Move Clutters. This morning , I took out some clutters out of my room. I took out the unnecessary stuff. My box of everything collection sometimes needs to be trimmed down to the most important ones but I always end up putting them all back in the box anyway. A basket of overdued pile of laundry is one of my weekly clutters. It's my male side when I tend to have things lying down somewhere.(Not proud okay!) I want to do my own laundry because aside from saving some penny , I've had bad experience entrusting my clothes to others. But since it's stressing to see the pile of it, I took it to the laundry shop anyway today.

Talk it out. It's best to have constant chat with friends. I make sure to catch up with friends , aside from office friends, when I'm off from work. Talking is what I do at work, to people I barely have connection with. Its always advisable to have someone you can talk to with just about anything under the sun. To have quality time and communication with friends/family is always essential in life.

Shut Up. Because I talk too much on the job, I've learned to value silence. Putting myself on mute mode and let my heart and soul speak. Enjoy silence sometimes. It pays to clear out your brain of the week's stress by plainly letting your mind wander without the blabbering noise.

Pray. Shutting myself up sometimes means Im praying for the life of me:). I talk to Him who made all things beautiful and not so beautiful happen in the most constructive way.It helps in developing a thankful heart. A study shows that people who are in constant contact with God, in whatever manner it may be, are the happiest. I believe so.

Cry. I cry if I must. If my heart gets so heavy, my eyes are as well, so I cry. Our tears cleanse our soul. I release my toxins through crying, then Id feel like I can breathe smoothly. I dont plan to put up a weeping club though, dont count on it.

Eat well.I make sure to eat the right foods. But really, I eat anything I want. I don't deprive myself from whatever palatal indulgence I can think of. But I do make sure once in a while to know when to eat right.

Control the Drinks. By drinks I mean the alcoholic ones. Aside from the fact that it dries my skin, studies show how it affects your braincells negatively, drunkards know that. Even if some does find their poetic juices sprucing up when their drunk, in the little corners are minor damages which can lead to a major breakdown, even poisoning your body. And I said I'll just control, not totally eradicate it for I still engage in casual and occasional drinking sometimes. Safe huh?

Laugh out loud. I learned this from my theater idol Leah Salonga who really does laugh so loud ever since I've watched her from her younger years. I read her blog too on multiply.(giggles) And no, this one isnt just about giggles and snickers but really laughing out loud if you want to. Infectious laughters are healthy.

Lastly surround yourself with love. There are people who are born to really say good things about others that you just cant help but feel good about yourself. They praise you sincerely - unsugar coated - because of your positive character and because they love you . These people exist to give you all the loving that you need.Family, friends and special someones are the people who does this.

Uhm...whatelse did I missed out. Well,be organized still.:-)

Horse Whispers on Paintings

2008-10-17T15:30:00.014+08:00

Not just whispers on paintings but practically making a name with his own pieces.

Yet again, art jurors had to validate Cholla, the Mustang artist as the painter of a piece they are judging . Last Thursday, CNN reported that he will be making his international debut, having been invited to exhibit his work in a juried art competition in Italy. His famous piece, "The Big Red Buck," was selected for exhibit in the 3rd International Art Prize Arte Laguna, October 18-November 2, Mogliano Veneto, Italy.

I've been a lover of Art. I adore paintings. That's why I'm blogging about this again. And most of the famous art pieces I love consisted of beautiful horses in it.I love horses too but I never dare ride on them. Horses can go wild but Cholla do calm down with just a paint brush and a deep concentration on his artistic strokes.Horses indeed not only exist for Equestrians' fame and fortune but also grace this world of their artistic visions.

Of course Cholla cant speak in his most Picasso-esque manner if art critics would like to know what goes on inside his artistic mind. All we know, as stated basing on his works, is that he is an impressionist and is being compared to abstract painter Jackson Pollock. In his 19 years and having produced paintings for over a year from his owner's town in Reno, his works have widely sold at staggering prices. Absurd still until now? Visit his website. Google his career updates. Watch his videos. View his galleries. He's become a worldwide acclaimed painter. Makes me want to drop my dreams of putting up my own Art exhibit.pff!

Shall I say step aside Monkeys for another specie dubbed as highly intelligent, who has passion for art and is getting Italian art masters in awe? Is this part of the evolution theory?uh...Wherever that came from.Whatever.Talk about Horse with No Name. Add prominence of being a painter to that!

Rekindled

2008-10-13T15:42:00.006+08:00

I miss the - semi 'Rehab program' slash 'Theater workshop' slash 'Show' slash 'Immersion' slash 'Trial' - we had for two weeks. A training for formality's sake but it was a lot of fun. Brain storming and critiquing among personalities like us who rather submit ourselves to an experimental show with such healthy competition.(I love how that sounds!Our Healthy Competition.)We had to confess our goal at the start of the training then like a rehab program, confess our weaknesses like...

'Hi Im Joan and Im an alcoholic' or 'Hi Im Ferdie and Im a gay addict'.

Geez...That sounds weird!

It was'nt like that alright. It was really a simple program in itself where we sort of see ourselves through the mirror. A refresher course for that matter. 'Rekindling potentials' and discovering untapped ones.They all cracked up when I said those flowery words when they knew that what I obviously wanted to say was to get it over and done with. Freaks.Throughout the course, we had to critique and idenify what we have to improve on so we can use it as our Ace in the battle field. There it goes. (wink*)We talk and talk and talk in roundtable discussion about things that matter in our industry and viewed movie clips we can draw motivation on.

One extra part I enjoyed was the 3 minute act. With not enough time to gather our thoughts, Ceri and I acted out a scene which should've involved remorse but we ended up with a hideous act that everybody picked up as a comic scene. Its been a long while since I got involved in a dramatic act. Which reminds me of the last time I had to display my acting prowess in a Rizal class in college . I had to take the role of the famous Sisang baliw. It was a serious play that could make or break our Finals grade so we had to give our best shot. (Internalizing and On-stage preparations deleted.)

There was no Best Character Portrayal Award but (excuse the braggista)I was applauded and received positive commentaries from critics comprising of my wacky block mates who also took their role seriously by heart. Even the neurotic guys in the class had to look like a dead-on seasoned stage actors I could just cry in laughter! We all laughed at each other anyway after that, with all the you-should've-seen-your-face rigmaroles. We got our aimed grade then got exempted from Finals exam that time. That was one of my glorious acting moment and I swear I'll never do a Sisang Baliw role ever!

Going back to the program, we earned our certificates with refreshed spirits last week when we finished the said Training Program. I rekindled my potentials in a lot of ways I should say. I even got an award as the...nah...Id like to stop here. Ciao!

3 am

2008-10-12T14:47:00.012+08:00

It was at 3 am this morning when I woke up. I felt sick to my stomach but I don't think that was the reason I'd woken up. It's been quite a while that Ive not been up at an unholy hour since my last schedule. I didn't like waking up at 3am since the Emily Rose movie. Gawd! it still scares the hell out of me. Before, whenever I'm off from work, 3am was normally an hour for me to sit up , put on a record and get a book from my shelf. It became a normal ritual not until my clock turned to a rather decent angle. I had to adapt to a new time zone. And since I have only limited functionalities in my 'cage' , survival at an hour so unkind yet convenient enough, has been my mustered ability. To cut to the chase, what I did earlier was bombard, practically everyone I'd browse on my phone book, with sms. Three souls were up. 'R' was up, 'E' as well - being out in the open sea and I dunno in what part of the globe he is- 'I' had to wake up because he felt he had that obligation to me, he replied but had to die back in bed. So at 3am , 3 souls heed my ambush. One had to retreat back to slumber so I was left with 'R' and 'E'. 3 respondents reduced to another 3 to include me.

'R' and 'E' are two of my friends who used to be together and had to be apart for reasons that 'E' couldn't quite comprehend. I've been a witness of how their friendship bloomed until how they agreed to try loving each other. Later on 'R' found someone new while 'E' was far. She had to honestly break it up to 'E' the best way she could. 'E' was gentleman enough and respected the decision of 'R' , although he didn't quite grasp the reason why he had to be shoved away. Its been a long while since 'E' and 'R' communicated. 'R' never wanted 'E' back for she's in love with someone else , for quite a long time I should say since then, longer than i expected for them to last. 'E' never had someone after 'R' , he never really gotten over 'R'. He actually planned his whole life with 'R'. His feelings were always there. Its amazing how two souls had to break up and one have to be trapped while the other went on as if nothing was ever felt. Not to mention, at 3am before, I used to wallow in loneliness for missing 'I' who had to be away at that time and now that we could've recovered our hearts together, I can only see friendship as another convenient way. Irony of love.

And then it rained so hard , after few thoughts pondered and pages of my current involvement, I drifted to the world of fantasy and reality in full balance.

Smoke Gets In My Heart

2008-10-11T14:56:00.011+08:00

Sexy, beautiful and mysterious is what they are to me. But I'd never be able to see that letting go would be as simple as puffing and lifting my chin towards the moon and release a halo of smoke 'til it goes slowly fading away in thin crisp air. I don't smoke but i find it sexy , not for long I suppose. You see how smoke is being launched by a smoker and it dances for a while in full grace and seduction then shortly after its performance, it goes in a disappearing act that you barely notice its gone. Seemingly a half teaser and half pleasure. I believe when smokers testify that it's a surreal reliever once it enters ones loins. Somehow, lately though, smoke gets in my heart and for a while, I cant seem to release it and let it fly to the moon where it belongs. I always thought of them to belong to the moon and the night. There in a place where it can eternally linger in a full length dance performance. They do the passionate and sensual Rhumba so well and its better off that way in the moon out of someone else's lungs and in my heart. And yes this is a riddle of prose I can never write in clear verse until it vacates my being. Bleeding is breathing.Bleeding is believing.

On a not so related note from smoking to actual smoke subject, these are Art Smoke by the way that I've come to appreciate and have been reading about lately.Lovely as you can see. For a person like me who takes beauty and drama in the littlest things in the world , there's no doubt why I've come to love these too. These are just ordinary photographed smoke that are edited on the computer. By burning incense sticks these were shot in a studio using an off camera flash. Coloured smoke pictures is'nt as easy as it appears in the finished product pictures. From the background to lighting the smoke to setting up the shot until the post process clean up.(Need you see and learn more of these art visit here)

Smoke.My metaphor of a time flying and a memory fading. It's travel often is mistaken of as an empty flight of whispered dreams and hopes. A light winged chariot with no purpose and direction, lost and uncontrolled. But truth is, its more than how we see it as an empty transparent piece of a lonesome stranger dancing in the air. Like how we most see things as we see it but realize later that its more than that. Something not exactly how we interpret it to be because its more than what our eyes judge it as a useless traveler. It is both a messenger and a ship of love coming and going; gaining and losing. Hereunder is one of my favorite poem and writer.

::Smoke ::

Light-winged Smoke, Icarian bird,
Melting thy pinions in thy upward flight,
Lark without song, and messenger of dawn,
Circling above the hamlets as thy nest;
Or else, departing dream, and shadowy form
Of midnight vision, gathering up thy skirts;
By night star-veiling, and by day
Darkening the light and blotting out the sun;
Go thou my incense upward from this hearth,
And ask the gods to pardon this clear flame.

by: Henry David Thoreau

And this song I've missed for it once tells a huge amount of my feelings. A recurring emotion that haunts me every now and then.

Smoke - Natalie Imbruglia Music Code

True Enough

2008-10-10T17:02:00.019+08:00

You know that feeling of so much wanting to get a hold of something and you try to find it cause you know that its there but you feel like its mocking you and just wont show up until you get pissed off? Pff!I just let it go.

I spent a fair amount of time lately bookstore hopping in the hope of getting a copy of another Stephen Mccauley book, but to no avail. I accidentally found Stephen Mccauley's 'True Enough' at a book sale and I knew right then and there that I'd fell in love with it. True enough, I did. As a matter of fact it became an addiction. (I jumped from one addiction to the next so that's normal for me) I got depressed for a while not finding another work of his. Accidents happen but same accidents does'nt happen again. I found the book by chance on a pile of lonely books on sale and finding another book of his just cant be serendipitous anymore.

The story revolves around characters I've identified myself with, one way or another, (except the married then divorcee part) . The heroine, Jane Cody thought she had set up her life to become a successfully fulfilled career woman. Instead, at 40, she finds herself in a drifting job as a producer in a tv station; a second husband she thought of as her way of quickly but not neatly stitching herself from a failed first marriage; and a precocious son who did'nt quite fit in as a child and whose best hobby is baking. Desmond Sullivan on the other hand , is a gay New Yorker and a former lawyer who turned biographer of long forgotten celebrities such as a singer named Pauline Anderton. He continually ponders on why he ended up being 'stuck in something as pathetic' as unexpectedly happy with his sweet partner Russel. The two characters met in Boston and ventured on a project of presenting a life of a forgotten icon and along their journey found themselves discovering answers in their own seemingly pretentious lives.

In one of those ambition bragging moments back in Elementary school, my grade six teacher asked us. "So what do you want to be when you grow up?" Each student took turns and went on with a dream profession. Doctor, Lawyer, Dentist, Teacher and all sorts of profession were proudly declared. When my turn came, I firmly said that I want to be an Astronaut someday. And they all looked at me like I've interrupted the class with a loud fart.

But I was seriously considering that ambition, not for long that is. I loved astronomy among all other sciences when I was a kid. And after Ive watched the movie Apollo 13, I just thought of being an astronaut one day in time when I grow up. Until I grew older and shoved that ambition for a more realistic one. :-)

Non bearing to the above illustration - for it obviously was a childish whim - the book however, gave me few thoughts I can relate with.You see, when you've imagined your life to be what you want it to be at some point in time, most often than not, you end up not getting that exact picture. Instead you'll be in a wholly different setting that will leave you figuring out why you end up the way you are at present and not what you once pictured yourself to be in. Later on, as you go through the kind of life that you end up with,you tell yourself that things in life is'nt the way everyone always want it would be to begin with. But instead of wallowing in dismal depression of not being in your dream kind of life, we must embrace what we currently have. In fact, we might even see along the way some untapped potentials that we may not have seen at the time that we thought would bring us to our dream life. There are people who ends up wondering how they've become so famous and rich all of a sudden while some end up in a not so satisfying kind of life. Call it Gulong ng Palad or 'stroke of luck' for some , I don't care, sometimes its better not to worry and not demanding so much of yourself. Sometimes its better that we just let things unfold in time's cue, in God's time , of course with efforts of utilizing your full potentials, otherwise it becomes pure mediocrity. I dunno, I do worry about tomorrow a lot but there are times that id dismiss life as a free fall. A skydive where I'll fall freely and use my gears properly for a safe landing when its time to touch down on earth where ever the wind may take me. If I land in a green farm with lots of cows and fresh milk,ill take care of that farm and make it productive; If I land in a barn full of shit, I'll clean it 'til its liveable ; or If I land in a brown and burnt down lot , I'll make it green again. And nope, I've never been skydiving so there goes the credible me faltering away. Let me list skydiving as one of my life mission.

Anyway, I did find the book freshly hilarious and truthful in itself. I think what endears the author to his readers is his gift of turning human frailty into a medium of self improvement. If you loved the movie 'The Object of My Affection' then you'll love this one too.

Thespian Debates

2008-10-03T19:50:00.006+08:00

Biden, the Democratic vice presidential candidate, slammed John McCain, saying "he has been no maverick on the issues that matter to people's lives," but his only challenge to Palin was asking her to articulate a policy on the Iraq war.

Palin, the Republican vice presidential candidate, pushed her "track record of reform" and said she and McCain are a "team of mavericks." "We're known for putting partisan politics aside to just get the job done," she said. (CNN.com)

Republican Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, despite being grilled by media criticisms since the entire campaign began has been very firm of her passion for the position. Not that I'm all eyes with the whole US election trail but you cant help but read her name on CNN online. I see how she has redeemed herself from being attacked even when her early beginnings before politics were laid down to the public that could be used as an ace for the opponent. Democratic Sen. Joe Biden on the other hand , is in no question, a veteran in the political industry. His credibility can't be questioned to count the years of service he had with Americans and I can sense how manly superiority can be a confident factor against a woman counterpart especially in a masculine field such as politics.

Now Breathe me.

Whatever strong powers that possessed me in watching the Vice-Presidential debate between Biden and Palin moderated by PBS's Gwen Ifill , I was pretty impressed nonetheless. They always do. Politicians never fail to entertain me with their word powers towards societal concerns. Even my dearest Filipino politicians giving off good performances during campaign speeches and all the election jazz. Be it a college drop-out or a highly educated veteran politician. They're all hands down good! They bedazzle me in ways I can only shake off if I burn myself alive. It's a whole circus carnival!

Ask me of a credible thespian among human categories and I'd highly vote for the politicians. Step aside movie actors and actresses. Politicians are so good in convincing the masses of their campaign platforms and promises. They sweep off the soft hearted elderly of a promise for a better plight of society once they are on the throne. They bribe the younger ones' with intelligent speeches and swore better job opportunities after school. They display a serious front to adults and adolescents of a promise for a better compensation eradicating the underpaid gloominess of professionals. They act so damn well of being a Moses sent by The One to lead the people amidst and out of the enormous divided waters of the sea for a brighter and cleansed society. Only to find out that it's Judas they were following all along. I picture an expert womanizer, a seasoned impersonator and a well trained false advertiser all in one like a trinity hypnotizing a person to become his/her worshipped idol. No wonder movie actors appallingly hit it off so well when they venture into politics dont they? We need Politics, both for entertainment and for what it claims to be and should be: the pavement for the society.

Uhm, if I may do it the Dennis Miller way , I did'nt mean to go on a rant there but...that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Balloons and Chocolates

2008-10-02T17:07:00.010+08:00

I get to pop a balloon today with a paper inside it indicating goodies I'd get to have. An extra reward/treat for the employees with good/quality customer service. Quality service to clients . A business' top priority. Companies are willing to do a lot to motivate employees to take care of the business which I'd also do if i were manning my own business , aside from monetary incentive. But nope, I wont talk about my job nor good old 'good customer service'.Heh!

What I got were chocolates and other tummy ticklers that I shared with friends at work today. We ate at our station making sure the office guards are out of sight since they'd tow us for it. And surprisingly, I had fun popping the stupid balloons on the board and felt excited while opening the tiny paper where my little goody is encrypted. It's a simple kiss of a push-pin and the colorful inflated rubber shrieks in explosion giving us a slight shock and later give us a childish bliss exchanging a chocolate out of the popping. Aint it fun if life could just be a whole 'pop a balloon' thing? I can only wish. My gay friend says he enjoyed it too, all the more if it was a used sticky condoms he was popping according to him...(Uh.kay...eeew!?)

The most important thing was we enjoyed the treat no matter how lame it may seem. We do see little things at its grandest when we pay attention to them more closely.You see, the reconciling line between work life and personal life is the ability to balance it. To reconcile both is your ability to make a fun-filled experience out of a burning work environment. Now I'm talking in favor of my bosses which i don't normally do. I'm friends with my bosses alright , I just don't suck up to them. Pleasing them through my job performance is a different thing also. And for a job well done, bosses are inclined to find ways to give an extra treat to the front-liners of the business. Like mothers giving a candy to a child earning a teacher's star for splashing a messy water color caricature creating an unrecognizable image of a flower.

So yeah, I was one of the employees who popped a balloon (I get to pop 3 balloons) and of course I knew I was expected to be gleeful about it and so I played along. It was after that I realized that i actually enjoyed the whole experience. I realized as well that how you treat life is how it indeed treats you back. Work may be draining sometimes but giving in to being 'work drained' just might be the thing you want to fight off. Whenever i got off from work, i go out of my way foodtripping with friends , playing stupid nonsense fights , go online or escape with some books . And another thing, thinking of working moms balancing being a mother, a wife , an employee and a friend makes me want to strangle myself for whining so much (sometimes) about balancing my work and leisure time. Oh well, that's just me:-)

Inside Out

2008-09-27T15:02:00.007+08:00

I find it nice to observe emotions by reading a person's words. Often times, we express ourselves better when we write our thoughts. That's why I enjoy bloghopping sometimes, most of the time to my blogger friends here, that is if I have much time and I'm lazy to do some typing. I even try to read entries as much as I can just to have the least idea of their personality. And true enough, I discovered few good personalities here. True enough too, there are words that are often best unsaid. If need be expressed and you cant find the strength to, the best resort comes in writing it. Its like, inside emotions dug out through wordly(not necessarily worldly) correspondence, if there's such a thing:-)

Which reminds me, a stranger online who recently added me in his community - whom i added back - sent me a private message today and sounded so upset over the fact that I did'nt checked his blog. His message contained some expletives so I gathered he must be so disturbed or what. I was'nt able to visit his page because..uh..i have a life to attend to at the time when he perhaps expected me to visit?I could've visited his site today but nah, I just deleted him out,so did he i guess.He does'nt need me. He needs his shrink! And so if he still lurks in and in case some readers here happen to stumble upon this post, I leave this video with a song of one of my favorite bands. Hope you'll be elated as it did me so.

Hillsong United

video credit: Enedlhach

Proof Of Life

2008-09-26T21:31:00.037+08:00

Friday night.Just got off from a get-together with few colleagues and instead of staying up late out, I decided to be here.Tuned in to Friday Madness , got online and found these on my files. Just few of my shots at the spur of the moment. Not so much of a standard photography i know but, hey, i can sure pull off some snapshots as i like:-).So i did some tweaking, faked some lomo effect and decided to post it here.Like most of us, Im a trigger happy freak when it comes to pictures. The thought of these moments being suspended in such vivid colors is one trait of photographs I value the most. It's one of those things I consider - proof of life.At times I just want to shut up and lay my eyes on some pictures that tell a story of their own. And so the idea of this post was conceived.

There's a lot of things that are too mysterious for me to understand...

:: CEBU USHERING A NEW DAY ::

Come to think of it, if everything will be given away, all the answers we want...there may be nothing left for the rest of this existence...often, we mistake our symphony for suffering...

:: COOL COMFORTS OF BAGUIO ::

"The feel of an ice cube melting over time..."

:: PASSING IMAGE NEAR TARLAC ::

Looking for answers that are never there...I've missed out on more important things...The best moments of our lives may never come back...

:: COLORFUL LANDSCAPE CAUGHT DURING BUS STOP ::

Sometimes I find myself asking like Ms.Carlton,"...If I could fall into the sky,do you think time would pass me by?..." After a little contemplative while, I end up saying along with Tonic, "...Love is tragic, Love is bold, You will always do what you are told..."

And realize that I may never be able to see this world as beautiful as it is with all its mish-mash randomness and nitty gritty.So let's live and love like every single beat of our hearts matters because it does.

Daily Nothing and Shugah

2008-09-24T17:07:00.008+08:00

I often thought to myself, "Perhaps love is indeed a form of telepathy. You shut up and just let your hearts ,mind and emotions talk where ever and in whatever state you may be."

Yes. Telepathy. In love. Do You? Believe? wink*

Its amazing when no matter how far both of you are situated in whatever corners of this earth ,the feeling itself that you both share is enough to keep you two alive. The love you both share is enough to keep the islands that separate you conspire as one in transmitting both your feelings. hush mush*

Anyway,here's an overdued favor/post which i hope is'nt too late. This is for Pauline who reminds me of my younger sister. :-)

Here you go Shugah...

sweetposh.com *show you love me* contest.
all bloggers are welcome to join,.

you may win some cool prizes.
must know the rules of the contest first..

her rules on her contest are:
..Must have a blog.
.. Place the link button that will be given to you if you had join the contest

.. ways of winning:
**uniqueness of work- 40points
**writing of post about the contest - 20 points
**friends post entry -20 points graphic or fansign you make -20 points isn’t that great??
(c)Shugah of lovecontract.info referred me to post.. :)

Rambling On

2008-09-22T15:19:00.011+08:00

So the weekend went by in a flash and I woke up so damn early again this morning and dragged myself to work. I guess its always been a human disease sometimes when we say how we hate our jobs and how sometimes we love it to death. Blah blah blah. I've loved this job merely because I believe that I'm bound to have a job such as this. (Oh-kay!? )I've always thought of it as the next real thing of fulfilling my dream of knowing and traveling the world. Who would'nt want to travel the world aight? And yeah right, KNOWING the world!As if I'd live that long to actually decipher this world! It helps too that I was raised to think that every little thing that come my way should be cherished and that I should be thankful for everything. Well I really am. Let me put on my Hillsong tracks..sigh*

Life is like a box full of chocolates indeed, you open it up , wishing you can devour it in one stare, only to find out you really cant;so you take one of the chocolates ,stuff it in your mouth and let it drown with your saliva. Then you realize you don't want to die with diabetes and toothache, so you decide to set it aside for the next day's consumption. In other words, Life is like thinking outside of the box itself and let what's inside redeem each of its value slowly and dramatically. Im starting to sound absurd am I? Ugh! Just squeezing my brain out for trying to find the 101 reasons why I should leave my job. When does leaving really is leaving?Without being stopped by such half-hearted feeling of - leaving. I hate leaving.Oh crap! Major burnout.Drop the bomb please.

I opened my email today and with the gazillion eye-soring spams backlogged from my restday, I saw one that lit the bulb in my head as if I've just seen redemption in the flesh. Joining Ceb-Pac's zero fare fever, my friend booked us a flight going south. Traveling somewhere uncharted as far as my feet is concerned - even with the most meager budget - gives me such exciting and stress relieving feeling. I can't afford to travel a lot but whenever an opportunity comes, I thank God for it and for these personalities called friends . Plus having the 101+ reasons of loving being alive with people I 'heart' :-) and who continues to inspire me to carry on. Doesn't He just intervenes in our lives in the most exact timing?

Money Matters Still

2008-09-20T19:10:00.011+08:00

Regardless if you have the knack for business financial matters or not, which i don't, its hard to turn a deaf ear to what's happening in the world economy. Or at least what the United States is experiencing right now.

By now, we've all heard of the greatest financial downfall of Uncle Sam -- Lehman Brothers,a global financial-services firm, filed the largest bankruptcy case in history last Sept. 15.( Needless to say how the country was bombarded by several hurricanes the past weeks leaving a lot of damaged homes and businesses.) For a person like me who works as an indirect witness of how Americans cope with their economic blunder, I can't help but think of how far the ripple effect could take its toll on the world economy especially for the Third World countries. Although Lehman Brothers has no operations in the Philippines, according to Dow Jones Newswires, it is said to have been active in buying bad assets of local banks such as United Coconut Planters Bank and state- owned Development Bank of the Philippines between 2004 and 2006.

Despite the efforts to save it from plummeting frustratingly, everyone gave in and let the Lehman Brothers jump into the pit.Even the best falls down dont they? And that even a single brick of the entire structure could cause a possible collapse of another.

Here's a trace of the domino effect of the said demise, with the bolded characters as main participants of the turmoil:

When Lehman Brothers announced bankruptcy, Wall Street bank all the while had many liabilities that were insured against nonpayment including the rent on its London offices. The insurance company is AIG or the American International Group Inc., which was bailed out and is already owned by the U.S. Federal Reserve. In effect, it must sell off its assets to pay back loans. Now, one of the most profitable assets of AIG is ILFC (International Lease Finance Corporation) ,an aircraft leasing company and is also the largest buyer of planes in the world which has Boeing and Airbus aircrafts on order. Boeing and Airbus has already been struggling. Boeing has been under industrial strife and Airbus has been facing major restructuring.

And then you'll see how everything else will follow - Airlines paying more for aircraft leases, more possibilities of airline bankruptcy, further job losses and airfare increase.

In this real world, like it or not, we all live by money. It's one of the things we deal with in this world's practical setting. We don't necessarily are to be controlled by it because we humans are the ones handling it, in driving our empire to its glorious prosperity. But wherever the loophole lies , all financial crisis is a matter of management and humble restructuring whenever things seems hopeless. And yeah, I'm challenging myself to manage my finances well for the obvious reason that Im struggling in that aspect. Now where's my piggy bank...?

click here for more of the financial domino news on CNN.

Money Can't Buy Happiness:-)

2008-09-19T20:22:00.034+08:00

Will (not his real name), a gay officemate slash friend slash pseudo alter ego - since my new work schedule - invited me yesterday for some mall slacking (though I knew it was mainly for his daily dose of shawarma ) , because he feels that we need to destress by engaging into some window shopping. I declined wryly and told him my honest reason of not going with him because i'm trying to avoid spending too much these days.

"Come on, its been a crazy shift today, we need this." , he rebutted with utmost conviction
"No." I answered back
"Ok" , he said dismissing the idea and we got back to work.

Minutes later, he got back to me and enthusiastically invited me to check out our office's leave portal so we can apply for a paid time off for the coming holiday season. "No thanks, Im done.Did'nt you applied when it got opened for everyone's access?" , I answered dryly while doing some typing. When i turned to face him, he'd already disappeared.

Minutes later again, while lolling on my seat, I saw him approaching with such sad face and seated in his station beside me without uttering a word. Apparently, he'd already surveyed everyone.

"So, have you applied for a leave already?", I asked.

"Looks like its too late for me to apply since Im sure mine would be disapproved because the day the portal opened for application, everyone knows except me!..And no one bothered to inform me!"

He fired back with that answer as if some bullets were suppose to hit me so hard. I must admit that I felt a bit guilty and confuse at the same time why I could've not possibly told him - which i probably would have - when another gay friend emailed me of the cue to do the fastest fingers in applying for a leave slot.And even if we were'nt together that time, if he was in the office, he would've probably heard the news since it spread like a disease that day.Then I remembered.

"Oh, you were on swap that day, Im sorry you found out too late though. Had I known you were clueless, I would've told you"

He returned a look that said I betrayed him. But I sure as hell I would've told him if he was present at that time.

"When did you knew?", he asked weakly.

"Last week I guess?", I replied.

He shrugged and got back to work. And without a trace of guilt I ignored him and I got back to work as well.The whole time we were seated on our station next to each other, no one dared to speak with either whom.

Two hours before we were to end our shift, he snapped at me saying, " To compensate for what you did, you are coming with me to the mall." Then he quickly went back to his business so as not to give me time to face him with an answer which meant that its either a yes, or ... a yes, no buts.

"No.I already told you, Im avoiding malls so I wont be tempted to spend." . I made sure I threw a reply.I knew he heard what I said while he pretended to be so busy with what he was doing.

After shift, we went out of the office together as we normally do and rode the jeepney together while chitchatting endlessly.

Then we were halfway to the mall.

"Ok, but we must make sure we wont spend so much except for the shawarma you want!", I told him

"Dont worry, I'd stop you if you fix your evil-spender-eye on something tempting.Deal!" , he then assured me.

So there we were, gleeful Jack and Jill at the mall. We ate, strolled, took few looks here and there, then we got bored. We parted ways as we bid each other,"Cya tomorrow!"

I got to my room feeling a bit depress.Took an Advil for my headache and gulped two glasses of water. I did my auditing. Laid the small papers on the table which was meant to sum up the financial damages and did my own mental recap.

Joan:

1 Book
2 Pens
1 Fancy Notebook
1 Advil
1 Burger Steak Meal

Will:

1 Shawarma

Oh darn!

The Right THINspiration

2008-09-15T17:31:00.016+08:00

Try as I might, I can't be a supermodel.Positive.lol:-).Im not that desperate about it though,...well ok, back then, when I was like 16-ish, I just loved the idea of walking down the runway and strut my butt feeling all the spectators staring at me and all photographers everywhere flashing their cameras while i do the catwalk. The best part of it is, id get to keep all those clothing lines of top fashion names I've showcased for free. Yeah i wish! I cant even probably walk on a runway for at least 10 secs with a super high heels without falling flat on my face! And i've always been the shy and clumsy tomboy back then that's why i was nicknamed Banjo,so i gave up that wishful thinking for world peace.heh!:)

As the years passed though, it seems like models evolved positively and unfortunately, into a negative light as well. One thing i don't understand is how some of the models get so anorexic and so wasted that they don't know how it kills their true beauty. Don't get me wrong, some models are thin naturally, its like they were born at it and its fine. Some slightly protruding bones emphasizing a dead-on perfect bone structure is nice to look at but make it a healthy looking natural one. Just as long as these naturally thin models take care of themselves, eating the right shrubs and all, if they really need to be strict on that. Just because you are thin on the runway does'nt really mean that you are anorexic. But it cant be denied that the reason why models are closely associated with anorexia is because some of them are. The worse thing of all is the fact that other teenagers get into the same idea of being super sexy, beautiful and super THIN! The latter being a sooper misconception i should say because there are models who look way prettier and glamorous and hot and healthy being not so thin on the runway!Kate Moss was one of my early model idols, i saw her first on tv on discovery channel being featured as a novice rising super model back in...i forgot when. She looks so petite and beautiful but now, yeah she's still pretty but she's lost some of what i use to like about her spark as a model.

Its quite relieving to know that some doctors noticed and try to intervene with these problems in the fashion industry. Media influence is really powerful and young girls aspiring to be a model tend to submit themselves to eating disorders especially seeing those skinny models being showcased on tvs. The medical industry should raise awareness on this fashion misconception just like the step they've taken in banning clearly sick and anorexic models. Anorexia indeed is not the only issue, it also goes for substance abuse, behavioral issues and self harm arising from being underweight.

And please tell me she's photoshopped or just feed her without hurting her fashionable ego.:(

Its good to be thin but not self-inflictingly thin.Anyone can be beautiful and sexy as they are..err,we are(?)hehe..atta gurl! I think it all boils down to PERSONALITY.

Let me catch some pig-out now.Ciao!

Smells Like His Spirit

2008-09-14T18:58:00.035+08:00

Last night I had a dream. It was one of those valuable dreams i'd surely keep in my dream box. Yeah, Dream Box. Y'know, Dream Box. Box of dreams? Have'nt you considered keeping your dreams and how perhaps? Oh who am I kidding, i probably am the only one who keeps one. Ditch.!

I did had a dream. I was traveling through space. It was pitch black at first. Then came the stars, planets - and whatever there is you see or imagine up there - , they were all gliding and dancing past me as if honoring my entry to their world. It was surreal and majestic. I felt so light . I was practically floating.

Suddenly, lights came on. It was'nt my room's fluorescent light, it was all white. I was squinting at what i thought was the sun eating up my vision without the heat. It was all but pure white. Divine whiteness. Then came a silhouette in white robe. It was someone. His hair had a touch of white as well which added to the light's strength. The light came so strong that i could'nt see his face clearly. My mind came running ahead of me and for a moment i came close to being sure that it was my long dreamt dream of 'the encounter with my creator' or worse, i thought i was dead. I had the urge to say something but to no avail for i was muted. I came on mouthing and saying something without any sound. I screamed so hard without apparent loudness. Everything whirled around me and in a snap,..the image zoomed in on me. His face went clear - It was Kurt Cobain.

Predictably, i snapped out of it and woke up at the crack of dawn. I contemplated on it for a while. Apart from being a fan of his music, what could've been his message that he had to appear in my dream and why me?And yesterday is'nt April 8. Im not a die hard fan. I loved Nirvana for quite a while. I've watched few of their concerts on DVD and i must say that i find their stage acts rather disturbing sometimes. Nevertheless their music lingered on to me. Sometimes I thought how Cobain sounded like cocaine and...oh i dunno. I love it when my gay best friend strut his stuff with the 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' song of the band everytime we have our karaoke session and I could just laugh so hard. I find it ironic too that Kurt Cobain was inclined to gay people when he was young around high school. Cobain claimed that he was "gay in spirit" and "probably could be bisexual". As he wrote on his journal , "I am not gay, although I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes." It was also stated that he used to spray paint on pickup trucks with a the words "God is Gay". Dont we all have our own definition of faith and of what and who God is?

I just have a penchant for rock music. Those which are manageable to the ears and my definition of rock music that is. Cobain's death was controversial but i definitely dont want to have anything to do with it if that's my dream's hidden code.

Pff! The heck with the message!He may have not came speaking words of wisdom to me but what the fart! It was Kurt Cobain in my dream! I saw him - oh yeah right, so in my dream!

Death Steals.Love Heals.

2008-09-12T17:39:00.020+08:00

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal. Love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Remembering the day when sweet sacrifices were offered. When few of them chose to depart to leave a loving memory of hopes and realizations. To the unsung heroes whose presence will be amongst us in any tragedy. An image of joy and grief going hand in hand for a more compassionate world.Acknowledging that sometimes, pain is healing.

This is a post commemoration of the 9/11 terror attacks that shook the world, baring the horrible fact of how human differences can be lethally destructive. It was one of my most vivid pictures of human destruction, as we watched on tv from our home the crashing planes that sent the twin towers explosively tumbling down in pieces. What I thought was a mis manned aircraft was actually a well plotted terrorist attack aimed especially to a powerful nation rooted from a grievance that brushed off diplomacy. It was a sight so terrifying enough seeing America's monumental symbols of power being destroyed in a fleeting moment, yet left a scar that'll live forever as long as this world continues on its mundane activities. Fleeting moment of brutality yet 2,751 innocent lives were sacrificed.And after explosions and crashing subsided, what was left were tears of deep anguish ,remorseful cries and sorrows that can never recover lives of the fallen. From the youngest victim to the oldest, civilians , firefighters and volunteers alike, not only Americans but victims coming from different parts of the globe, they were all instruments of hope and unity in this world full of strife and greed.

Seven years after 9/11 there are still those who are coping with the trauma, there are still those who silently sob remembering a perished love one, a dear friend, a child, a father or a mother. There are still those who are angered by the attackers while there are those who chose to forgive and accepted that painful things happen in this unforgiving world. To free us from the wounds of strife and war is to free ourselves from hatred and division.

To the Filipinos who were victims of the attack , and to all nations.

Gesture Me!

2008-09-10T15:36:00.008+08:00

If it werent for his hypnotic eyes, man i would've not heed the call of this technology circulating in the news. No wonder why Joey left Dawson's Creek for Scientology! I miss that creek's drama.Now notice the hands?Minority Report?Right.

Here's a hint to making remote controls a history and soon computer mouse to be redundant. The so called 'Gesture interface technology' is being utilized to soon eradicate the living room war for the remote control. Scientists at a Toshiba research laboratory in Cambridge are banking on the development of this technology that can manipulate television and computer commands through hand gestures. For now the target is on for televisions.Tweak it according to your command, install the camera onto the the device and it senses when someone enters its field of vision and searches for the hand to follow commands. So in a simple hand gesture, you can stop, pause or change channels. Interesting huh?The estimated launch of the said technology is in 5 years and Im sure this will boost slothful moments for couch potatoes.

It basically diminishes the need of holding on to something while manipulating the television.So there goes the sign language evolution. But I say I'll spare this technology for my ambitious spy acts:). I mean come on, waving,flapping, raising my hands for several times to change the channel? I could qualify for a traffic enforcer job for that, and at least Id be of help to the street mayhem instead of creating a household hand gestures war. Or perhaps it'd be humans this time who'd need to be controlled in the absence of the remote control. Ok ok, may be a bit exaggerated but you get my drift. Oh I forgot, it can be customised to individual gesture preference. But nah, let me settle for my remote control in the mean time and let my fingers talk. Im confident though that scientists will anticipate the pros and cons for this technology and shoot developments.

Seriously, if technology is to make human's life more convenient, I'd opt for those which can control - if not totally heal - the visible wounds of this precious earth like Global Warming and all kinds of pollution.

And I read author of the bestseller serial-killer thriller ‘The Monster of Florence’, Douglas Preston , revealing that Tom Cruise will possibly star and produce a film adaptation of the said hit. Lets see it come!

Where I'd Been Offline

2008-09-07T19:35:00.007+08:00

Some days you just know that you wont die. You just know that you have to see the beauty and pain of living by simply being alive despite the turmoils in some parts of the world.Seemingly feeling invincible and indestructible even if sometimes you wished you'd die.I knew I wasn't.

Last Tuesday I finally got my chance to leave my work place slash stress zone for a five-day vacation.The image above shows my three essentials for traveling. A window seat, a boarding pass and my tote bag with all reinforcements in it like my book. Yup, Nicholas Evans there as my flavor of the month. Its a shame i don't have pasalubong:) as I always have something to bring every time I go home. It was an immediate packing for I thought I'd have to change my flight because of my leave issues. But at the last minute I found out that it was granted so off I flew away from Cebu to CDO.

On my way to the airport, I was nonchalantly sitting at the backseat of the cab looking out the window while I was anticipating to be in my hometown in a matter of 45 minutes air travel.As I was biding my time with my thoughts wandering, manong driver asked if I'll be fetching someone at the airport. I promptly told him that I'm not, in fact its the other way around. Apparently he noticed how I don't look like traveling with just a carry on bag without any luggage. At his miscalculations, he went on broaching a conversation asking where my destination is...Yada yada yada. Being tired and the laconic type of person, I tersely answered all his queries. When he heard that I was headed to the southern part of this country, sounded flabbergasted , he asked if things were stabilized already in the area considering that it's been on red alert and that its reported to have so much killings happening at the location. I simply smiled at him and told him that the area he's referring to may just be a bus ride away from my hometown but thing's are fine. At the back of my mind I wished he'd just let me be invisible at the passenger's seat instead of talking endlessly about these brutalities. Sure I've heard it over the news and all but he seemed so sure that I might not get out of the place alive. And so I just sat there listening to his litany, rolled my eyes and imagined myself pulling out a ticking bomb at its last second so we could just explode to cut short his being a pseudo war correspondent. Then the cab halted at the departure gate of the airport. I thanked him for the ride, handed some bills and muttered that I'm not going to be killed!What a relief getting out of that cab!

I appreciated the man's concern really. For all I know he's just worried that I might die or something or was just trying to have a conversation. Too bad I was tired and I just want to be home.

So there, my vacation went fine. No killings whatsoever. I spent it with my family. Most of the time I was just at home. I slept, ate, read, watched DVDs , and met up with some friends. No beach , no Internet, no calls. Just my plain old simple lifestyle. And it rained, that completes my calm vacation. Now I'm back recharged:-)

UNTIL MY HEREAFTER

2008-09-01T19:56:00.005+08:00

"On vineland past the candle shrine that burns on every night for someone
She lets herself go
Like an angel in the snow,
She lays down on her back
down on her back- she goes

Take me over when im gone
Take me over make me strong
Take me over when im gone
Will they burn for me..." by:dishwalla

It's not something so far and out on the great beyond.
Neither is it a clasp away to my nearest reach.
Its somewhere between those two opposing abyss.
The thought of it is devastating enough to silently break my fragile being.
But for the first time in quite a long time, I've never felt so alone and so desolated.
I thought it was all so easy but as time flies,
it never is and perhaps will never be so easy.
I swiveled and shrugged all of its possibility to weaken me.
But again, I guess Im only human after all,
with soul capable of being shattered.
Yesterday, I was looking at myself
with strong guts to be up against a great wall looming over me;
Threatening to look down on me and sizing my strength.
I was all too confident , all too strong to be defeated by a mere loathsome feeling.
No I wont be intimidated
and will never quit fighting off this longing,because its what it should be.
Sometimes we have to carry the buckets full of water on our shoulders without complaints.
And even if we know that the load may be too heavy for us;
and few of its content may spill out along the way,
The goal is to make sure that the buckets get to where it should be of purpose.
Now Im looking at me from afar, on the verge of tears but struggling still to fight it off.
But guess I didnt notice, I spilled a lot of the waters in my buckets
and i didnt took heed of the droplets of water's cries.
I spilled a lot of its content and now Im left with only little.
Now Im looking at my buckets of water and its half-filled,
the others either gave in to waste or some just willingly gave up on me carrying them.
Or were those my strength slowly falling?
Giving in and withering away...
I almost forgot, it is half filled and not empty.
Not brimming but with little hope left.

::JoansyndromE::

post fact:missing drama

In the end Kindness Matters

2008-08-29T22:29:00.006+08:00

I remember quoting a famous person saying, "When I was younger, I used to admire people who are intelligent, but when I grew older I learned to admire people who are kind." I still admire intelligent individuals but not as much as those kind ones. I simply can see myself saying the above lines, whoever said that, I forgot, feed me the info if you may:)

A cup of kindness wont kill anyone will it?Too much kindness can be self-draining too because we simply cant please everybody.False kindness and pretending to be kind is not kindness at all but it wont kill you still, at least literally. I wont claim to be really a kind person, though I do get a tiny prick in my heart when I imagine the famine stricken African children.I posted one here in fact already.And Im back to its thought again.hehe.It motivates me to be kind.

The other day I saw a rubbish child in the street carrying his younger baby sibling on one arm while extending a begging hand on the other. My initial instinct of course was to drop some penny on his palm. That is a normal scene everyday in this world.That penny may not be enough to change that child's state of living but I can't imagine myself just walking away without sharing a little of what I have. To express pity to those unfortunate ones does'nt help a bit if we wont do anything. Even the littlest act of kindness would help even if its not through monetary kindness.Why?Because the poor ones are not only those who are rubbish and materially deprived.Some of us are poor spiritually,emotionally, or in any aspect of our lives, and the worst part is that other people might not see it and wont care. So be kind even to those who are not beggars for you'll never know what battle each person is fighting inside.I learned that from Plato.:)

Let's just say that this world is filled with bad news. Actually , its not entirely filled with it, its just that we tend to overlook the good ones when the bad ones attack.And there's no better way to counter that mentality but for the people living in this world to be kind to each other. Or at least make a goodness out of the bad news through kindness.They say when you do a kind deed, it should be done out of love and out of your whole hearted willingness to do it.Which is true. If you do kindness because you just feel oblige to do it, your act of giving would still be appreciated but it wont credit you.You see, you know when its pure kindness you are doing if after doing the deed, you feel fulfilled and happy inside.You have the feeling of not only being appreciated by the recepient of your kindness but you also feel appreciated by your very own self.

Just a thought:You only get what you give.

Found this pic here by Dancing Fish and i just find it so kind and it has a solemn reverie. Such a fine view for a stressful day. :)

Knowing Darby and Joan

2008-08-27T21:48:00.009+08:00

Today,I re-read my posts and did few editing to give a tad depths to it. Tomorrow I'll be back working,ugh! nothing exciting about that unless someone inspires me at the office,and quite unfortunately there's absolutely no one.

And along with the changes on my blog, I changed my blogger name.It used to be JoanSyndrome and everytime I itch to google it up, i'd pull up matches of it and feel like its closely associated with some serious sickness. Not to mention how it pretty much sound the same as Down syndrome.Yikes! 'Cause I did originally thought of naming my blog as some therapeutic disorder but I guess I'm just really fickle minded. And aside from that, if I type in Joan syndrome, it can also be mistaken for the "Darby and Joan syndrome". In short, its close to Geriatric homicide! I read that it was a forensic pathologist who coined the term for homicides committed by older men.Creeps me out. How can older people commit such heinous crimes when they're suppose to be doing more good deeds for a graceful exit?

Reminds me of my grandparents too. Less the homicide of course. It was my lolo,my mama's pa, whom me and my siblings got close to.We had nice memories of him since he'd be an instant surrogate parent to us whenever our parents were out when we were kids.My lola as I can remember, was always either doing home chores and sewing or church tasks.She was always strict to us that's why were not that close to her.And i dont think she'll read this.hehe. Anyway,it was our lolo who was always there for me and my siblings when we were little.Then he died and everything about getting a grandparent's love was never the same for us. I wrote an essay about him when I was in early college days and i got an 'A'.Hah! Boy was I proud of that first college essay:).I missed to keep it though. But i remember recounting those days with my grandfather.How he'd fetch one of us -most of the time my only brother- and do some market shopping,then they'd come back home with lots of candies and goodies.Or when he makes us laugh while he literally dances under the rain and give us his funny faces. My lolo had a good sense of humor and those were the days with him.

Anyway, going back to the Darby and Joan phrase. I googled further and I proved myself wrong when I thought that Darby and Joan were some real life old couple with tendencies to kill people. Its actually just a term. Silly me! In the UK its popularly known to refer to old couples because of the term Darby and Joan Club. Its for old married couple who goes to club. Elderly offender is just the infamous part of it but i like the famous definition to it-"an elderly and mutually devoted married couple who live a placid and uneventful life, often in humble circumstances". Don't we all find it sweet for old couples still doing the holding-hands-while-walking scene? I've always admire old couples who justifies the 'in sickness and in health' vows in the church. Darby and Joan denotes "devoted old couple who are living out their retirement years in quiet, if impoverished, contentment".

You see,being married to someone does'nt just mean being simply tied to that person at the moment that you fell in love because that moment can be a passing moment, one should get married because he or she sees the entirety of his/her life living with that person. I remember the famous love story of a chinese old couple who eloped to a far away place because the guy's family did not favor his marriage with the woman due to their age gap. They lived in isolation in some quiet mountain and the husband hand-carved(yup,read it right, bare hands!) a thousand-stair-ladder for his wife to use in going down from the mountain. They were so old when the husband died ahead of the wife. He died with his hands clasped against his wife's hand exchanging the last vows of love for each other. If thats not old-age-til-death-do-us-part love, I dont know what is!

Here's a line from a song The Joys of Love Never Forgot. I found this over the internet and I'll post it, for the love of my current addiction, Darby and Joan.haha.This was suggested to have authored by an English printer Henry Woodfall (circa 1686–1747) which contributed to the origin of Darby and Joan, although not fully stated that the author composed it with his employers-having the same names Darby and Joan-as his subjects in mind.

Old Darby, with Joan by his side,
You’ve often regarded with wonder:
He’s dropsical, she is sore-eyed,
Yet they’re never happy asunder

And remember the kids Jack and Jill?This song gives us a trivia of who they became when they grew older. Yup,apparently they became Darby and Joan.These lines I also found online, from Hammerstein and Kern song The Folks Who Live on the Hill.

We'll sit and look at the same old view,
Just we two.
Darby and Joan who used to be Jack and Jill,
The folks who like to be called,
What they have always been called,
"The folks who live on the hill".

This is getting too technical ei?I better stop myself before I'll think of changing my blog name again to Darby and Joan.But it's quite relieving to have found out myself that having my original JoanSyndrome blog name is'nt that much of a bad idea at all. Because it lead me to a greater hope of ending up with my own Darby someday-being in love amidst our gray hairs 'til death do we part. And that I've got another reason to be proud of my name other than being associated to Saint Joan of Arc the messenger or simply being Juan:-).And so I'm bringing back to life the username JoanSyndrome.

Some Happy Ways

2008-08-26T06:52:00.021+08:00

Let's face it, being the imperfect beings that we are, no matter how we strive to be perfect in this world, we know that its not possible because perfection only exists in the dictionary:). Instead, we try to find ways to satisfy our wants, because to feel satisfied somehow gives ourselves a boost. For instance, we may want to spend a few dimes to enhance our physical features, but we do know that its just but temporary.We know that it wont give us the inner perfection that we need.

Many times I'm dying to buy something that i thought would make me happy.I save for it and after the long awaited moment of getting hold of that thing I've always wanted, in just passing days of using it, the excitement wears out just as how that material would eventually get outdated in a matter of months. These are what we call short term happiness. Its not even something that touches down to our inner longings of being satisfied. Its not something that gives us the inner perfection that we want.The inner perfection which is the intangible pursuit of perfection called happiness. We realize that what we need is happiness inside, the kind that no material thing can provide. I've been trying to achieve this in my life, all of us I guess.Sometimes I'm close to it, sometimes I'll get lost in the middle of my pursuit.Or when I do something for a really good cause like doing extension works by teaching unfortunate kids, it gives me happiness but sometimes when work gets in my way, I tend to give up then I'm back to square one. Nevertheless, its still acquiring happiness.I'm no expert on this but whether its short term happiness or long term, I make it a point to at least try everything that I think can make me happy even in the shortest span of time or in the simplest way possible.Like what I'm doing right now perhaps?

Now here's where I'm heading at , I happen to read thru Oprah's online magazine and found the article Five Things Happy People Do by Gabrielle LeBlanc, a writer and neuroscientist in Washington, D.C. As the title goes, she enumerated five of the habits that happy people do which we may want to try ourselves. Hereunder are the list:

Happy people find their most golden self

Happy people design their lives to bring in joy

Happy people avoid "if only" fantasies

Happy people put best friends first

Happy people allow themselves to be happy.

I'll try to give you a gist of what I learned from the article associating it to what I have tried before so far in my life.

Finding ones golden self for me is what we have always been striving for which is the same as finding our purpose in life. Here I've learned the difference between eudaimonic well-being and the hedonic happiness. Coined from the Greek words eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving towards excellence based on one's unique talents and potential while hedonic happiness is simply a temporary contentment. The latter is still good as it still provides happiness although in short term only. For example, I consider it a happy moment when I'm at the beach sitting by the shore staring at all the stars hanging above me in the night sky.That's just temporary though, whereas eudaimonic well-being is something wherein you try to find your place in the sun by trying new challenges and using the most of your potentials.Its about fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.As the Greek belief goes, each child is born with a special talent that he can use to find his purpose in life.

Designing life in a way that invites joy. This I can say is one thing that most of us commits to even if we know that it doesn't really favors us. This habit basically tells us to do the things that we want to do in life because if we engage ourselves into something that's totally out of our league, in the end we still give up on it simply because its not something that we've always wanted to do. A perfect example perhaps would be a teenager's dilemma on a course to take when entering college.Take up a course you think is your line of interest because you are most likely to succeed if you're doing the thing you were born to do.

Happy people avoids "If only" fantasies. As I've mentioned in the first part paragraph, we sometimes miscalculate what makes us happy. Remember telling yourselves that "If only" you can have this and that or "If only " you can meet the man of your dreams?then you'd be the happiest person alive? This is called the "focusing illusion" because we tend to think that a single thing or a single aspect of our life can solely comprise the totality of our happiness.Which should'nt be because being happy should be being so in general.And this is connected to what is also called "hedonic adaptation". Let's say for instance you've found the man of your dreams.If you're someone who is aiming to maintain the happiness that finding the man of your dreams brought you, both of you should devise ways of keeping your relationship always in full spark. In this way, you wont reach a point when the thrill of finding each other from the start will slowly wither. That's how avoiding 'If only' fantasies is all about, find novelty in your life. Finding happiness does'nt stop at the point when you think you've found it because happiness like eveything else , needs to be nurtured.That's just a thought though for couples, I'm not really good in relationships:), but i'm working on it.In my case, being single , I've learned to take up new things so as to give a twist in my daily routine. I tried yoga at one point after I got the hang of the job I'm in and I got bored of being intoxicated on rest days with booze and staying up late doing whatever with officemates. It was a refreshing experience because the meditations helped ease out the stresses I had from the day's work. But then, being the easily worn out type of person, the yoga experience did'nt last that long because I dropped out in the middle of the 1 month session. I guess I need to work out discipline first:). For one thing , I had difficulty understanding the Japanese instructor of the beginner's class I'm in. He can speak English but I can mostly hear the 'wang-wang' in his words.Aside from that, my work shifting schedule got in the way of the sessions. So off I sank back again.

Happy people put their best friends first.According to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University, the degree of relationship counts and you get more joy from spending longer periods of time with a close friend. This, I wont definitely find hard to do and Im sure it applies to all. Close friends are indeed very much happy to be with regardless if its talking serious stuff or purely nonsense bluffs, what the heck ,friends are friends no matter how the world turns upside down. So friends are still the best remedy but of course let's not forget to mingle as well.

Lastly, happy people allow themselves to be-happy. Familiar about what some of us believe that too much happiness can cause us too much crying after?That is why we feel guilty sometimes, if not, we stop ourselves from being too much happy? I know. I have this mentality sometimes too. I often remind myself not to be extremely happy because I might end up crying later on.pff! I guess its just part of the cirlcle pattern in life. But according to the article, this aspect can be left to our own belief. I say you can control if you want, just dont deprive yourself of a happy moment.

So there. New guidelines to imbibe happiness in our lives. Hope this will help us in our pursuit of happiness. I still believe its a gradual habit to develop and its a continuous process as long as we live. As Peter Pan said, if we really wish to, just think of a happy thought so we can fly to our own Neverlands, wherever that is in our lives. Be Happy!

Read the Five Things Happy People Do on the Oprah magazine click here
Photo credit:"Jumping at dusk" by Lanuiop

Rain On Me

2008-08-26T00:39:00.007+08:00

Rain's been pouring in days lately-in the most inconsistent way that is.When I headed for work today, the sun came out smiling upon God's precious earth.Later in the afternoon the clouds' mood suddenly changed,it went dark then rain came on with heavy flashes of lightning and cries of thunder.Last night I was soaking wet when I got home from work. No protection whatsoever from the heavy downpour.It pissed me more to think that earlier that morning before going to work, I was just staring at my umbrella doing the 'to bring' or 'not to bring' game in my head.I decided to leave without it brushing off the instinct which could've been my sign of a bad weather forecast.My office is just a walking distance to my boarding house, so sizing up the weight of the residual rain outside the office building after my shift, I braved what I thought would just be a light breeze of walk above heaven's tears falling down on me.I imagined it would be kind of fine to walk under the remnants of the afternoon's rain. Pa loner Kiss the Rain effect kumbaga, with the perfect yellow lights of the park shining over me and a knight in shining armor in a black Cadillac ( not on a horse, pwede?) stopping over to offer me a ride, the rest will then be a romantic scene i might be able to post here.BUT THEN! when I was halfway to my destination, heavy rain poured like hell over me and soaked me up til my newly rebonded hair went flat on my head making me look like a newly shaved and balded lamb. So much for my salon purpose of ending my bad hair days!I got into my room last night so pissed off wanting to cry but cant.Apparently the world was against me that night-even my tears defied me-so I took a midnight bath and hoped I could drown myself with just a pail of water,yup pail, my landlord cant afford to give us sophisticated shower,I've already got my rain shower anyway.*sigh. I poured my sentiments by texting the used-to-be-somebody-I-call-mine. Though were far apart, he still manages to check on me everyday.Beep.Hush mush*

Anyway, I still love the rain after last night, I always have. Less the destructive storm aspect of it.mmm-kay, so why I love the rain?I don't know really how I'm connected to it but 98% of me says I'm a rain person. Let me help myself by enumerating some of these reasons.

It calms my soul-its part of my definition of a perfect day off from work:good book plus a tea or sikwate on a rainy day!
I used to admire a friend named Rain who dances so well-never heard from him since those glittery days:)
I have good memories under the rain:)
I t comforts me when I'm so emotionally unstable
I love the song Kiss the Rain by Billie Myers-one of my all time fave!

Rain is a biblical instrument used to cleanse the world from sin

Well, it didn't help at all clear my queries why I love the rain but let me take some time for that.The list is not intended in any way to convince anyone to like the rain just like I do. Those are my list ok?I don't like it to be rainy everyday of my life though, I'd still love a sunny day, I also love my sunny disposition, I still love to get a decent tan.

Transcendental Rock

2008-08-19T05:26:00.014+08:00

I missed the Sonicflood concert last Saturday.Grr. We've planned to watch it last July but it got postponed to August and last Saturday it finally pushed thru. I don't know how it went though. I wasn't able to watch it because I had to work and so as my office mates whom I was suppose to go with.Haven't heard from Jomel in days , the one whom I can count on to give me details about it.Argh! That is, if she did watched it too. She must be so busy with church tasks. I admire her Christian passion.(Hi te joy!:). There will always be a next time though.I'm still waiting for Hillsong to come to Cebu or Cagayan de Oro.That's a shout-out there..haha:)

So hear I am, listening to Sonicflood's tracks on their website to console myself. I've not really followed through Sonicflood's development as a recording group. I just admire these guys because they not only boast their millions of sold out albums, Dove Awards or their Grammy nominations, but most of all, they take pride in their ministry as a worship band. I first became a fan of Hillsong music before I found out that the alternative bands I've been listening to like Vertical Horizon, Jars Of Clay , Creed, Lifehouse, U2 etc., also depict Christian themes in their music, although not entirely associated with such musical genre. It was back in college when a friend lent me a CD of a Hillsong album, and since then its been at the top of my charts.Listening to their songs gave me such divine discontent as Leigh Nash would probably describe it. And oh yeah, not to forget Sixpence None the Richer, Leigh Nash started her music career from a church retreat before she got the Artist Of the Year award back in the "Kiss Me" days:) . All these bands have one thing in common behind their music-they've got great passion for Christian worship. No wonder how Hillsong music, having started in Australia, spread rapidly around the world among worshippers.

In Wikipedic translation, this type of music generally falls under a genre called Contemporary Christian Music otherwise known as CCM, which lyrically focused on matters concerned with the Christian faith . It created so much controversy among American Christians back in the 1960's because some conservatives deemed it unholy to use the medium of popular music. It's quite predictable though that an issue would be triggered towards the concept of Christian pop/rock music considering the fact that it was the time when rock music was closely associated with drugs and alcohol. But I think negative connotations can always be cleaned up. Music is still music, its a medium in itself for self expression , more so ,for ones belief.It always lies in the true intentions of a musician and how he wants his music to be accepted by the listeners.

I've always kept my faith in Him even before I experience Hillsong's extravagant worship though, and in whatever manner we worship , we share the same God who equally loves us. So spread the inner joy wherever your faith lies!

Proving Possible the Impossible-Laveet!

2008-08-17T22:32:00.002+08:00

I won't recount his events' triumphant performance as it has been circling around the media and the blogosphere, but today,as all of you who've been following the Beijing games know,Phelps garnered his 8th gold medal. A feat that will go down to history for a record breaking mark against Mark Spitz’s seven-gold performance at the 1972 Munich Games.

I've been following the updates of the olympics since the torch relay around the world being a sports fan, and the results after the opening, merely to support the Philippine team. But when I saw Phelps grabbed his 3rd gold, I've been keeping an eye on his succeeding events over the internet at work. Other than because he looks funny on his emotional photos of Gettys, he's just awesome in the water, that's it! Then he became my olympic idol.Just - "a 23-year-old from Baltimore who loves hip-hop music, texting with his buddies and wearing his cap backward." That's how he was plainly described prior to the olympics. Little did the world knows that he would be the greatest olympian that the Beijing Olympics will unveil or has already revealed. Apart from that, reading the feature stories of him before he got the 8th gold, you can tell how determined he was in hoping to break a record while humbly acknowledging Spitz's historical mark. It's also moving to think of his mother being so silently proud of her son as she watched from afar the pool inside the massive water cube with tears pouring down her cheeks . As seen in the news,after the 8th gold, Phelps could'nt contain his emotions and only thought of hugging his mom and two sisters.Despite the horde of photographers though,Phelps found his Mom and in return put her arms around his neck and gave him a hug knowing that the rest of the world will be all eyes on her son as a legend.

And this line he said got me into thinking , "Nothing is impossible,with so many people saying it couldn't be done, all it takes is an imagination, and that's something I learned and something that helped me." In a world where negativity can esily overshadow all positivity in a single defeat, one can get comfort in the determination of some who get through what seems to be impossible but still pushed their limits.Only few are granted opportunities to make a mark in the world and in history for that matter but a lot can learn from those fights they've fought to get to the winning streak. Phelps and the other olympians did a lot of grueling training to compete in this final battle they call the olympics.Not to mention the fact that Phelps also fought with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder when he was a kid and instead of medication, his mom helped him turn to swimming as a way of managing the said disorder. So there goes the fruits of a loving mother's efforts ey?However, with power and fame always comes great resposibilities, so breaking the world record wont be all there is to Phelps. He represents the younger generations so hopefully this will be something that teens could draw inspiration upon.And for his mother's fellow mom, to also draw motivation in better understanding their kids' early problems and address it their best way,who knows what it may bring them in the future, right? With this defining moments in his career, I hope Phelps will continue to live with the resposibilities that this record gave him.

So much for my goodwill-ish statements there, I just have to say this, Im not a kick-ass swimmer , I wish I am =). I almost drowned many times while embracing the waves of the sea(it did'nt keep me from going to the beach though), but being a fan of swimming myself,Im always amazed at how these brilliant athletes;with wing span so wide, propeller-like arms so long and body so well toned; speed up into a dive transforming the vast pool into a suspenseful and artistic momentum. How much more being the one racing for a world record!I was watching in awe as Phelps' did the butterfly in their winning relay.(oh how i love doing the butterfly stroke,but i suck in it*hehe).

On Being Friends

2008-08-15T23:01:00.006+08:00

On being friends we freed ourselves..
Oh why do roses have to have thorns...
We bloomed as perfect as a rising sun with its rays encapsulating the horizon in perfect symmetry.
Everyday since then was all like petals in its full fragrance gracing the earth with sweet inspiration.
For a moment I thought ,each day spent with you was made for a lifetime bliss.
A blissful serenity no one can compare..
Something no one can provide but you and only you.
But a rose can never be a rose without a thorn.
A stinging thorn made to prick ..
made to invite a precious bleed ...
Petals have to bloom and fell..
Then I took notice of the thorns mean and cruel..
It pricked and gave me tears..
You were not there all of a sudden but you partake the thorn's invitation...
The wound was beautifully tiny but it took a huge amount of sanity to heal it...

On being friends, I loved truly...
Let's have this carved through eternal sublimity...

::JoansyndromE::

photo credit: www.tngennet.org/

Dozing Without Dosage

2008-08-12T07:39:00.001+08:00

If you haven't notice, in the last five hours, I've been here like a drug-induced wide-eyed machine. I've been lurking around the web for something to feed my brain and to entertain me.So here's my last post for today. This should be a fitting closing blog , ironically for someone who's deprive of this very thing I'll blog about-sleep.

For many who've had problem with sleeping, it s no surprise that until now it may still be a predicament. I for one, am a living proof of an Insomniac. When I was child, I can remember getting insomnia attacks until I cried to sleep. Until now, it's still an issue for me but not much of a biggie anymore since when you grow older, you tend to disregard sleep as if its the most natural thing in the world to do, all because we have deadlines to meet in our busy life. We even try to intoxicate ourselves with caffeine just so we're up 24 hours. I'm proud to say though that with the medical technology over the years, I've not submitted myself to any medications to battle my insomnia. Anyway, I've browsed through a health section of the New York Times online and lo and behold, an article about:Overcoming Insomnia Without the Pills.

Under the health guide column, I read Peter Jaret of The New York Times detailing a one on one interview with an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Rochester Sleep and Neurophysiology Research Laboratory, Mr.Wilfred Pigeon.So like actually consulting an insomnia expert, I dig in to the interview's content. This may be a bit boring for some of you though, just a disclaimer , excuse the insomniac:D

Mr.Pigeon kicked off with Behavioral sleep medicine, which according to him, treats sleep disorders by helping people change behavior and thoughts about sleep that tend to disrupt sleep. It gives patients something to do rather than something to take.Now how you might ask?Lets first get ourselves familiarize with two concepts, Behavioral Sleep medicine and Sleep Hygiene. Sleep hygiene is part of behavioral medicine.But only a small part,says Mr.Pigeon.He cites this example, "if you drink a pot of coffee in the afternoon, it might be a good idea to cut down. If you have three pets lying in bed with you, the TV on and your laptop running, you probably aren’t going to get a good night’s sleep." With that said as the basic tips of Sleep Hygiene,don't expect that it'll cure insomnia for it wont.As stated, Sleep Hygiene is just a part of Behavioral Medicine, with which includes three basic approaches:stimulus control, sleep restriction and changing cognitive misconceptions about sleep.The goal of Stimulus Control is:to make the bedroom and that bed associated only with sleep. You get rid of the things that keeps you awake or those you do while you are normally awake. Stimulus control also involves getting yourself out of bed and out of the bedroom when you can’t sleep. Mr. Pigeon further states, "When people stay in bed, trying to force themselves to sleep, they begin to associate bed with growing frustration over sleeplessness. Eventually this can lead to the curious phenomenon of being perfectly sleepy downstairs, but having the brain and body wide awake as the head hits the pillow...If you find yourself lying in bed for more than 15 minutes unable to sleep, get out of bed and do something that’s not too stimulating until you’re tired enough to try going to sleep again." If you ask if getting out of bed make sleep even more difficult, Mr. Pigeon answers 'no' , if you combine stimulus control with sleep restriction. Sleep restriction ,explains Mr.Pigeon, is the most important and the most difficult of the strategies. We should create sleepiness when and where we want it, so instead of sleep occurring two hours here and two hours there, we make sure to consolidate it in one set of sleeping hours. What they do at the research laboratory is first to determine how much time people actually sleep every night. Patients are asked to fill out daily sleep logs or diaries for a week or two. For example,someone with chronic insomnia is sleeping only about five hours but lying in bed for eight hours, meaning they are in bed awake for three hours which is plenty of time to condition oneself to being awake in bed, plenty of time to grow frustrated as well.With that case in hand,the bed times are changed say to 1 a.m. says Mr. Pigeon, "waking at 6 a.m. in order to restrict the amount of time in bed to just the amount of time people have been sleeping. ..For a week or two patients may get worse sleep. But eventually they’ll have a night where they go upstairs, turn off the light, go to sleep and sleep through the night.Such principle also serves the purpose of consolidating the person’s ability to sleep in one large chunk as opposed to in several fragmented chunks of sleep. This technique is thought to recalibrate a sleep "thermostat" that we believe gets out of kilter in prolonged insomnia." Having achieved so , it doesn't mean though that its enough sleep to feel very rested but at least it is much a deeper sleep which will gradually develop into a normal habit.

Its good finding out that we dont necessarily achieve full 8 hours of sleep because according to the interview, it depends on each person's need. I always thought that I ought to have 8 hrs sleep otherwise I wont achieve my maximum daily performance but that too is a misconception. Therapist also have what they call co-morbidities that affects sleeplessness which are: depression, anxiety, chronic pain, substance abuse, etc.But the approach therapists use to address the problem is still the same regardless of its varied causes of insomnia because no matter what it caused, its still insomnia. So when do we really need medication for insomnia?Mr.Pigeon advised that if you've had trouble sleeping for short period of times like weeks only, its best to consult doctor for acute insomnia medication. But if its Chronic already like months or years, he recommends behavioral sleep medicine because "Behavioral medicine can actually cure insomnia. Medications usually only treat the symptoms." he added.

I believe these techniques discussed though are actually achievable by certain individuals even without therapists, all we need is the discipline to make the move to get rid of something not healthy. I've survived being an insomniac. I've managed to get normal sleeps later in my adolescence though,(devising techniques like counting my blessings or picturing my dreams coming true :p ).While some sleepless nights, I just spend it working or simply by keeping myself occupied. But nah, nowadays, some people still would even rather stay up just to keep up with either the activities at broad daylight or the adrenaline at night time.

Bear in mind: Sleeping is as important as food for our body. For those who intentionally doesn't sleep because of work, think of yourself too. And as I always say to myself, Sleep is sacred.

source: www.health.nytimes.com/ref/health/healthguide
image courtesy of: www.cartoonstock.com

Coolpix in itself-NIKON P6000

2008-08-12T04:32:00.001+08:00

I've been a camphone freak. I drool over photos. I'm a monochrome girl. I'm a moment collector through pictures of people and places that'll one day make up my time capsule. I'm not that up to date though with the latest gadgets thats why as much as possible I research through. But before I convince myself to pocket out my own 'pocket' camera given my balance finances, at least I want my first to be edgy, something with raw capability. And in my pursuit for a perfect camera amidst the classy line-ups of digicams nowadays,I found Mr. John Biggs talking about Nikon’s Coolpix P6000.

I've not gotten hold of this advanced compact but it'll definitely be a pick for me. This one's got a Global Positioning System and an ethernet port at that!How cooler can that be!The G.P.S. gives you the capability to add in geographical data to each of your photos (not only when you're lost driving), and if battery's your concern,it can be turned off to conserve battery life. Plus, while we're contented with bluetooth system in uploading our pictures to web sites,with P6000's full-size Ethernet port , we can easily just plug it in the Internet with less hassle.Minor features includes its 4x optical zoom lens and a 13.5-megapixel sensor;it takes photos in JPEG or RAW format ;and it supports light sensitivity up to ISO 6400, accepts SD and SDHC storage cards and has 48 megabytes of built-in storage.

But, let me just tell you this. Remember the golden rule:Not all that glitters in the eye are truthfully in itself as precious as gold.Why? I took it upon myself to dig into the disadvantages of this sweet compact as well,and as everything has its good side,a flaw must always exist, this one is no exception to that. Yup,I've browsed thru some negative feedbacks of this gadget too. I suggest you read through some reviews if you want so at least you'll be warned.I am not a photographer extraordinaire, but if you want quality gadget , this I tell you , we should know how to bypass those high end features sometimes and check into the pros and cons basics first.

The P6000 is not that totally down-rated though, some loves it like a kitty so it is still worth the shots if you're someone who's simply up to happy clicking.

Enjoy y'all!:-)

visit here for more info:http:www.luminous-landscape.com

Pomogamy-Pomo WHAT?

2008-08-12T03:10:00.003+08:00

My friend asked me once why girls tend to forsake friends for a new boyfriend. I easily said, "Do'nt question the power of love!". As if that's the most sensible answer to console her. Later that day, my Ally Mcbeal-ish tendency attacked and the love thing lingered in my thought with so much questions whirling around my head.

Forsaken because of a new boyfriend.The exact line I remembered in the show Sex and the City. It feels bad indeed to be taken for granted by your girl pal all of a sudden just because of a guy who swept her heart away to Neverland regardless of the fact that they may have just met and spent not even half of the time that you and your girlfriend spent together. What hurts more as a friend is finding out later on that the whirlwind romance ended with your friend's heart broken because the guy is simply a player. We ladies get to experience that sometimes with our girl friends -both being 'the forsaken' and 'the heartbroken one later on'. I'm kind of in between conventional and the unconventional type. But no matter how society's view on relationship changes, loyalty through trust should still be a number one factor. My brain and heart right now is like the condition of the image you see there so let me babble.;p

This brings me to the issue of how to be firm on being loyal to someone who may have been fooling around all along. I agree that guys are polygamous by nature.I've only had two 'official' relationships in the past which ended because of trust issues. No grudges here to the 'exes' though, I'm in fact thankful for the realizations they brought me to. Thing is, when a guy likes a lady and gives her signals,we ladies-after few positive assumptions basing on a guy's physical stance- then try to win them over with our personality. Being both into each other exclusively, the next thing to maintain is to establish the two of you against all temptations. But along the way it would-most often than not- the guy who tends to fool around. Monogamy is a word not really perfected and is a major issue among couples. And in most cases , its the woman who seems to be in dire need for assurance of it over the guy because its men who are polygamous, at least some, for I also happen to know guys who are totally devoted to their one and only.Kudos to those guys too!:-)

According to Science Daily (July 15, 2008) , in a new study, psychologists determined men tend to look at their partners in a more negative light after meeting a single, attractive woman. On the other hand, women are likelier to work to strengthen their current relationships after meeting an available, attractive man.

So I wonder, how do you reconcile a guy's polygamous nature vs. a lady's demand for monogamy?

There are couples who'd probably agree that they can date whomever they wish to whilst declaring their loyalty to each other. You believe in that?Sounds fair enough to me if the couple are really that in control of their commitments. Stretching to the branches though, it depends also on how strong the couple's relationship foundation is.What if the guy is really the type who can easily attracts flirtatious girls? And what if the girl is the type who hardly needs to flirt to get any guy's attention?They can easily wind up being unfaithful under the table to their partners cant they?In this case, I don't think this casually liberated type of relationship would work for nagging couples because they may just end up hunting down the third party or pinning down whomever is the unfaithful one between them.

So, how do you reconcile a guy's polygamous nature vs. a lady's demand for monogamy?

Free to date anyone while hooked with someone. Partial exclusivity while in a relationship. They may be for those couple who are at their boredom stage and would like to experiment a bit on their relationship's strength. Perhaps to prove that inspite of the plethora of people they can possibly replace each other for, they'd still end up longing for each other's arms.I'm no expert on relationships, I also have relationship problems myself too so I wont really recommend you fully trust me on this. :) I remember Charlotte in Sex and the City ending her almost perfect relationship with an almost perfect partner for her-just because she refuse to do a 'blowjob'. With that in mind, perhaps its a matter of finding a partner on the same level as you are. If you're the conservative type, then you ought to have someone conservative too or at least with the same brainwaves as you have.

So we wait for the right one? Not knowing when?

Well, it may be shitty sometimes to keep on waiting for someone,the right one for that matter, because later on we tend to imagine ourselves being the last hopeless person standing in a ball without a partner. But with some efforts done, I still believe we can eventually find the one who's rightly ours. Call it destiny, soul mate or simply 'the one' , I think they all come along at the right time as we deserve them.

But don't all rights comes after correcting the wrongs? So perhaps the right ones come along in wrong packages?Then its up to us to correct it making it the right one?

I guess so. Don't some of us end up with someone we hated once?The more you hate the more you love they say.If there's a right term for that! So its all possible really:Love at first sight or Love at first fight.Oh well, it all boils down to compromise still.We don't necessarily need to transform our partners to someone we expect them to be, because some imperfections ought to be accepted. Some only though. Thats the beauty I guess of two people made one in the name of love. Accepting one another and growing with one another.

yeah, so how do you reconcile a guy's polygamous nature vs. a lady's demand for monogamy?

*sigh.Being in a romantic relationship is not all about eyes turning to hearts 'cause your eyes can get swollen from crying too when you see your boyfriend dating someone hotter than you;its not always hearts beating at the speed of light because your heart can get so seemingly weak and you wish it beats so slowly 'til it stops then wish you'd die because you haven't heard from your boyfriend who's working so far that you thought he'd forgotten you already; its not even always fireworks in the sky because if you get near the spectacular pyrotechnic display, you can get blinded like how you don't want to see the places you and your partner have been to which reminds you of the good memories you had but sadly has come to an end.

So really, how do you reconcile a guy's polygamous nature vs. a lady's demand for monogamy?

Now I have a title for this post!Why don't I just end this post with a re-phrased Carrie Bradshaw statement:

"In a world of infinite options sometimes there's no better feeling than knowing you already have one." :)

When Patience becomes Not a Virtue for LovE

2008-08-12T02:49:00.003+08:00

When...

I worry i wouldn't want to see your face again..
My love would fade...
My heart gets tired...
My waiting would stain my heart...
I eventually forget without knowing you were still there...
Once a present and future suddenly turns to a simple past i can never recover and will refuse to look back to....
The sun on your face that once let me see everything around me in full spark turns to a mere spotlight fading...
Ur voice that i used to put together melodies for a perfect musical lyric turns to a mute note i would refuse to hear...
The colors i used to associate with the emotions you've brought me turns to nothing but a fading gray...
I find myself hearing another song that's completely out of our tracks...
I look at an image and i see a plethora of mini images and not be trapped anymore with my thoughts of you..
I feel my heart beating not for you anymore and the bruises vanish in thin layers of mist..
Seeing the sun setting above the ocean would finally mean a sunrise would not be a day of longing for you...
Ur name sounds a million yesterdays that would take a few zillions of mentioning before i can finally at least recognize...
I finally understand that love is never enough to keep me going...
Dreams would suddenly take place without you in it...
Crystal tears refuse to run but just froze on my cheek that it suddenly stings and leave a red scar to only let time take it away...
I realize it was never meant to be...
And when Thank You is the only thing left to say.

And so here lies my truth of having to let go of what would never be a happy ending and that 'somewhere else' is a better place to be.For sad endings does not always entail breakdowns and endless pretensions of 'I'm' just OKs' but a promise of another genuine smile...so much for a 'long distance' note.

::JoansyndromE::

Post fact: Break up drama;date wrote:April 06, '08

AGAIN..Just Another Reminder

2008-08-10T12:28:00.001+08:00

I cannot die without putting up a fight .That's what I always tell myself whenever I get an attack of life's-a-bitch-and then-you-die moments .Moments that can get the better of me and can steal the best of who i am and in what I'm giving to my life.You see,for the span of time that i graced this earth with my complicated presence, I always believe that nothing can beat me up other than my very own self. No one can stop me from doing anything unless my alter ego would split out from my body and block my way of doing things my way.I never always have that child's fairytale sort of growing up but I've had my fair share of triumphs and defeats;joys and pains;and all those opposing elements in life.The childhood was a happy one.My parents gave me the best that they can and have been the best that they have.My family has been the pillar of my strength and have always motivated me to strive more even if sometimes its as if i feel like where i am right now is where I'll only be in this lifetime.But because I believe that there's one big HIM who stands with me in all of my frustrations in life,somehow I'd manage to tell myself that ill definitely be more than what I am right now and that I'll be the loser that i ever thought I am if i wont be firm in believing in Him always.

Then this Awful Truth.Some of you may have seen this several times already and the story behind it.I pulled this one up from my email one day from the daily spamathon in the office and got reminded again on reasons why I shouldn't waste food and why I should be thankful of simply being alive. On many occasions I am able to see images of this kind-skin and bones African children.The child in the picture is crawling towards a United Nations food camp kilometres away while the vulture awaits for the crawling flesh to surrender and to be eaten raw.The vulture as it appears, doesn't' need to rush to its prey for the lax anticipation that any time the child will die anyway.Which goes to show that this happens everyday.The photographer left the location after taking the shot of the child. Three Months later he committed suicide due to depression. The reason for the depression is linked to the photo of the dying child. It's an awful image but it's the awful truth as well. Many of us may turn away quickly at the sight of it while some may just stare with pity and wish they could do something but end up doing nothing at all just like me.Its been a cliche to remind someone over a meal to think of the African children whenever we get the urge not to finish our meals . Its one way of being sensitive to the famine that this world is experiencing. Not just the famine that African children has but the famine that some of us have gone so selfish and are swallowed up in our greediness.True,we can leave those concerns to rich Philanthropists and movie stars, but don't you think its also a reminder that all of us are co-existing and in our simplest kind deeds, we can also save the souls of those innocent African children dying?Who didn't even have the chance to experience what we call sometimes as the beauty of Life?the joy of living?Even if life seems cruel to us sometime, let's admit it, all those whining about life when the tough gets going will boil down to one thing, that Life in itself is a beautiful piece of puzzle.Each time we get through our daily problems we solve a piece of that whole puzzle and we cant help exclaiming how fulfilling it is to have gotten through it alive.And then you predict where I'm going here.Some unfortunate ones on this earth are not able to go through that phase. Just a thought, we may not get to see those African children on a day to day basis in the flesh,in order for our hearts to get pricked and do kind deeds but it wont do us any harm as well anyway if we keep on doing things out of kindness, will it?We don't necessarily have to do charity all the time,lets just try to be kind to one another and if there is a chance to give a little of what we have, why not help other people solve some puzzles in their life.In doing this we will all reveal a beautiful whole panoramic view of the world.

Kevin Carter (bless his soul) is the photographer of this Pulitzer Award winning photo taken during the 1994 Sudan Famine. The above photo was found in his Diary with these words:

Dear God, I promise I will never waste my food no matter how bad it can taste and how full I may be. I pray that He will protect this little boy, guide and deliver him away from his misery. I pray that we will be more sensitive towards the world around us and not be blinded by our own selfish nature and interests.

I hope this picture will always serve as a reminder to us that how fortunate we are and that we must never ever take things for granted.

Is the Truth Out There Yet?

2008-08-04T23:59:00.002+08:00

I remember a project I had back in High School.It was a cartoon strip about aliens. I sort of presented how the world is in an alien's perspective. In essence, I wanted my readers to think that aliens visit our planet to somehow warn humans of the Earth's worsening condition and perhaps they are also on a mission just as how we have been envisioning to live on Mars someday.

Now why all the fuss about these geekiness you might ask?I happen to stumble into yet another report of UFO sightings that created media frenzy and then the endless mind bending mysteries go afloat again.If you read thru the files of recent reports matched with actual photos, you'd get goosebumps and perhaps would be caught in between 'the truth of it' AND 'almost believing it' yourself. There are a lot of web sites detailing the UFO files and investigations that you might want to visit if you're that curious about the recent stories since the first crop circles in Britain.But if you're the non-believer, then consider this post something you can formulate your rebuttals on, proving that UFO issues are a hoax :).You see, I was once the inquisitive Alec.Lights in the sky resulting to some pilot's near misses, crop circles ,brightly lit space crafts, actual witness opting to remain anonymous etc., these are just some of the stuff I once got fascinated to. (If you're a child like me before , you'd want to solve the mysteries of this world in a snap!But yeah later on, I gave up and moved on to realistic stuff in my life.*haha* Anyway, I realized later on that whether aliens exist or not , one fact remains to be true to me- that there is a Supreme Being responsible for everything fascinating. I love the idea that there are other existing beings other than us humans and we name them aliens. They may have appropriate names like us but nevertheless, I am pleased with the thought itself that there is something or 'someone' else out there . I've never had a close encounter with them and I still think its cool to be able to.(Now I'm talking like a child!) Going back to my High School project, I actually had the idea that aliens are indeed here for a purpose just like all of us. For all we know, we are also aliens in their perspective. I believe there's more to life than what we have in this world. Just as we are created by a divine Artist in the most perfect way, what we call the great beyond may be a place designated for another set of creations who also co-exist with their own kind. I imagine this whole UFO sightings the same as our fellow human beings flying into space with our own kind of space craft visiting heavenly bodies. For all we know, they've been investigating on us humans too and perhaps considers us the weirdest creatures they've ever seen.

and he asked:

"What does all this stuff about flying saucers amount to? What can it mean? What is the truth?" Winston Churchill - July 1952

I'm not in the position to tell the truth even if this is my turf here, but I know for a fact that we are all suppose to co-exist. We're in a huge spectrum of varying colors that sometimes we don't even recognize some of the colors anymore. The universe as we know it may simply be bigger than our eyes claim to see through,even beyond that black hole.But for sure there's The One who is bigger than how broad we imagine this universe and its infinite possibilities is.

Moment's Time In A Moment

2008-08-04T23:54:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I cant help but wish I'm still young and restlessly unworried of what might come next.I miss the feeling of being a child carelessly running around seeing this world only as a playground.There's nothing to worry other than winning a simple game with a bunch of playmates and earn a candy or two.Living everyday by the moment and not by the hour. Then go on with such playful lifestyle over and over again without a trace of worry of what I might have tomorrow or how I might get to live my life tomorrow. This is but a normal person's dilemma, when we're still children, we wished to be grown ups but when we become grown ups ourselves, we tend to whine and wish we're back to being a child. What I'm trying to point out here is the fact that we all have our moments in life, and whether its good or bad, we should know how to cherish those moments. We should be mindful of the fact that nothing comes to us by accident but for a special reason.

It doesn't take a near-death experience just to make a person remodel his/her perspective in life.We never know what lessons we can get on our daily dealings in this world.We have ordinary moments that just pass us by and then there are those moments where we least expect to happen to us but will forever be etched in our lives.Life-altering moments can come to us by surprise.Inevitably though,at some point we have to decide when to dismiss those moments as mere image of a past which will live on forever. But just when is the perfect time to walk away?Would you know that the time has come for you to move on to the next phase-whatever,wherever or to whomever that is?That phase when you are starting after an ending and hoping despite vague possibilities of getting on with what might be ahead of you? No one knows I guess, what is required of us is to do the most of what we have and where we are right now. And when circumstances give is a queue that its time to move on to the next, then gladly take it in and fit in.

"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes, a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment... every part of it... will live on forever..."-Lucas,OTH

These thoughts came tumbling in my head as I stumbled upon Lucas' quotes page in One Tree Hill.I just love how his poetic mind works in the series.I simply can relate.I can't even start to blame myself for delving into such deeply rooted emotions I continuously dissect every now and then.I get bored with my melodramas sometimes but when I'm alone and contemplating with my never ending what ifs,what will be and what might have beens,it just hits me like a bolt of lightning straight to my head then to my heart.And don't start concluding that I'm the type who has my whole life planned ahead of me due to these characteristics,'cause I'm really not.(I wish!)I can plan a lot to do tomorrow but I can also forget everything in a snap and go along with the present.Now going back to Lucas' statement, don't we all have that moment which we deem very special that we wish it wouldn't just pass us by?I know. And you start thinking that its about love right?Well, I've always been a believer of the magic of love. I believe most of the wonderful moments in life are brought by love. Not necessarily the romantic kind but love for life in general: with what we do; with people we've been with ; and simply being able to love and be loved. But then again, everything -even everyone- can simply fly by like a fluttering bee in front of us before we realize that they made a difference in our life even in that short span of time .

Everyday while commuting,I cant help but stare outside the moving images my eyes would pass by.Different pictures of daily life:the eagerness of market and sidewalk vendors;the progress signified by tall buildings and business parks;the hopeful ones rallying their rights on some rotundas;the thirst for a brighter future in students going in and out of an academe;even the misunderstood people of this society wandering in the streets. What i see is Oneness in a face of diversity. While thinking of these pictures of life, I thought to myself that we don't do daily routines because we simply need to survive but also because we are unconsciously aware that a day ends everyday without an assurance that tomorrow would be a day we've perfectly planned for. In each person lies one story that other person might not care about.But little do we know that we all share that same story despite our individual lives. A story that's made up of all those moments we've lived for.

Keyboard Refreshed

2008-08-03T00:21:00.002+08:00

Its time for computer keyboards to be paid attention to, and this time why not make it flexible and water proof!

For those who spend their working hours on the computer and that those avid gamers, this should be good news. The Virtually Indestructible Keyboard pretty much explains the features of it by the name itself. Made out of silicon, this computer keyboard is resistant to spilled liquids and contact with other materials. It’s durability makes it more friendly to computer users since it can conveniently fit into your pocket which is a plus for those gang gamers party. It significantly saves an amount of weight and space, not to mention, it can easily be unplugged then washed with water if you’re the type who tidy up your stuff.

A breakthrough in computer hardware does require for the product to break the old habits we want to discharge like the stresses that comes along using the traditional keyboards. Offering quick and silent reflexive typing, this should lessen the nuisance for most of us whose work revolves around the aid of computers. As this is presented to the public with such practical design, the keyboard comes in three different versions; a black 85 key with no number pad, a black 109 key with a number pad, and a transparent glow 109 key with a number pad. If you can still settle with the traditional keyboards we’re used to nowadays, you cant worry much about getting into the trend but if you’re tired of the usual, then you might want to be the first to type away with this state of the art technology.

Trigger My Sweet Tears

2008-08-02T22:46:00.001+08:00

Ever felt yourself being so scattered that you want to pick up each pieces of yourself but just feel so weak that you can just stare at each pieces all over the place?Ever felt like forgetting about gathering yourself up just so the next time you feel like you're torn apart you wont worry about building up the puzzle again?Ever felt like quitting something you've been holding on like a job you've loved or a relationship you've been hanging on? Ever felt like writing the perfect story but just cant seem to find the perfect word to start a perfect story and everything else vanishes from your brain when you've gotten hold of your pen and journal? Ever wanted to post your day's blog but suddenly feels like you don't want someone else read on through your private life's dilemmas? Ever wanted wanted to say something to someone but just get so tongue-tied that you wish your voice box could just explode into nothingness?Ever want to sleep and wish when you ever wake up you'll be in a place so new that you wont have to follow the same routine you've been doing every single day of your life?Ever wondered if death really is an end as we know it or just an expediency?

Ever stared at the mirror and thought of yourself so blessed just by being able to face yourself alive and that you just need another good sleep and trip to another side of town or go to a beach and stare at the evening sky by the seashore? Ever wondered why teardrops are sour and when it'll ever taste sweet?

Locked Out

2008-08-02T22:39:00.001+08:00

If i make the moments of my life,I'd probably want it in dramatic action with background musics just as i get swept away with each One Tree Hill scenes.Id set it up like every tear is so sincere and every smile is so genuine and just feel good in the end.Say a line like,'Love's not everything we thought it is',in a way that no heart will be broken... or say the words 'I'm sorry' in a way like it would completely erase hurt feelings and never make someone feel so small or feel neglected.Then perhaps say this to the person in my past:

I wanted you to know that i appreciated the letter you gave me and that it was never my intention to have hurt you that way.I wanted to keep it but i guess you took it back,i knew it wasn't lost,you just took it back.I know you were hurt but it wasn't the way i would've wanted it to be.I wanted you to be a good friend but you didn't feel the same way and i cant be more than that.If i just had the words to make you understand without hurting your feelings.Had i known you felt that way,well,yeah i had the feeling you felt that way but i just never thought of it going that deep.I just hope you realize that i would've at least kept that letter.It was long and you put so much emotion on it.I just couldn't reciprocate your feelings.I've always felt bad about that every time it crossed my mind.I never saw you since then.But if a moment would bring us sitting next to each other,I'd tell you this.That i valued your friendship and that life is worth all its shit.

But i guess life's series is not ours to plot.There will always be moments we can never remake.Words unsaid though should have.We can just feel so locked out without access anymore to that episode.

Post Facts:

*I wrote this when I got locked out of my boarding house one night.I forgot the key inside my room.Only an internet cafe provided a manger for me.

*The letter was a 2-page stationery written cebuano prose given by a suitor which got accidentally circulated around our working place. I protected it by putting it in my bag, after my shift, the letter was gone.